Some Wounds Never Fully Heal
by PratClotpoleDollopHeadQueen
Summary: Arthur saw Merlin fall. He couldn't believe his eyes, Morgana had just stabbed Merlin and Arthur couldn't do anything about it. "Merlin" His voice was no more than a whisper yet it still found a way to crack. "Don't worry Arthur, I'll see you soon" Merlin promised as the guards dragged him away, and back to his cell. Arthur wondered if that was the last time he would ever see him.
1. Chapter 1

**_Some Wounds Never Fully Heal_** ****

 ** _A/N:_** This is my first fan fic so please review. You're welcome to tell me any suggestions you have. I don't do Merthur, just not my thing, so if you're like me and don't like that there's nothing to worry about here. I don't know how often I'll post but I will try to be as consistent as possible, I will also never leave you in the middle of a fic, I will finish it out. If you don't like cliffhangers then this is not the story for you. I'm rambling now so onto the story. I hope you enjoy it!

 ** _Disclaimer: I do NOT own Merlin or any characters in Merlin_**

Chapter 1

Merlin awoke to the sounds of Arthur groaning and seeing him roll around on his bedroll. The bandages needed to be changed again. Merlin winced when he took the soiled bandages off, Arthur's wound was getting worse but they were at least a four day ride from Camelot, and Merlin didn't know if Arthur could last that long. He contemplated using his Magic, but he knew how risky that could be, especially so far from home. If anything were to happen to Merlin, Arthur might not make it back alive.

Merlin changed the bandages on Arthur's wound and he was about to start making breakfast when Arthur's eyes fluttered open. He looked around and furrowed his brow, until he came to the realization that it hadn't been a dream. Merlin had saved his life once again. He tried to ask Merlin something but it all came out as a bunch of gibberish.

Merlin sighed, "You're going to have to speak up Arthur, I didn't hear a word you said." Merlin's chin rested on his knee as he grinned and watched Arthur try to form a coherent sentence.

Arthur joined in "That's because you're practically deaf."

"Prat," Merlin practically spat at Arthur, but it was Merlin's way of telling him 'all right you've won but only because I let you'.

Arthur grinned and enjoyed the moment while it lasted because it wasn't long before he was out cold again. Merlin could only guess how much longer he would sleep this time. He only hoped Arthur would wake up.

Merlin stared at his sleeping friend contemplating what to do. He knew of a druid camp nearby that would possibly help him, Merlin also thought of using his magic to heal Arthur, but Merlin knew that was out of the question. Merlin wasn't all that good at healing to begin with and it was incredibly draining, and he didn't know many that would do much good for Arthur at this point anyways. Merlin was resigned to just waiting it out. If he went to the druids there was no telling what Arthur might do if he woke up or found out somehow.

Merlin continued preparing breakfast even though Arthur probably wouldn't be awake to eat any. He was cooking the rabbit Merlin caught with his snare when something went wrong. It was too quiet, no leaves rustling in the wind, no birds chirping, the forest was too still. Merlin slowly crawled over to Arthur in case of an attack, which seemed pretty imminent at the moment.

They came out of nowhere and Merlin was unprepared. They quickly had he and Arthur surrounded with weapons poised to strike. Merlin didn't even realize that Arthur had woken up. He was attempting to sit up but the gash across his chest was too painful. Thankfully he hadn't gotten a fever yet or he would have never made it back to Camelot alive.

"Hello dear brother" The voice was coated in hatred and despise. Merlin and Arthur would recognize that voice anywhere.

 _Morgana._ Merlin should have known. Of course she would do this, nobody else would have any clue that it was Arthur. Merlin and Arthur had gone on a hunting trip and of course Merlin had gotten them lost, but not before Arthur had been attacked by a hippogriff. Merlin managed to scare it off before it did anymore damage but now it made sense why the beast was within Camelot's borders. Mentally he slapped himself for not seeing the signs in time.

"Morgana" Merlin spat. He didn't really hate Morgana, if anything he felt sorry for her. He was sorry that she had to live in the shadows and that her own father wouldn't accept her for who she was, but then again, Morgana didn't make that very easy to do. "What do you want?"

Arthur stared up at Morgana, his vision starting to blur but he fought to keep his eyes open and stay awake. "Morgana? What are you doing here?"

Morgana gave a high-pitched, blood-chilling laugh and looked up into the trees then set her gaze on the young men in front of her. "Oh Arthur, are you really so naïve? I'm here to kill you," She saw the look in his eyes, defiant and unchanging. Morgana knew she would have lots of fun with them "Oh not right away of course. No we'll have a bit of fun first." She grinned manically and her eyes widened with excitement of the most unpleasant kind. "Take them away boys" Her gaze dropped into that of loathing and she glared at them until they were hauled onto their feet, despite Arthur's injury, and dragged away.

 _ **A/N:**_ How did you like it? I'm curious to see what you think. I thought it was a bit too short, but I don't know, like I said I've never written one of these before so just give me your honest opinion, but if you think I suck then break it to me gently. Tell me if you think I did well with the characters so far. I'm not going to base this story off of any episode in Merlin but It's generally placed in season 4 or 5, so that might help a bit for future chapters. Tell me if you want the chapters to be longer or shorter or any suggestions you might have. (I also didn't want it to be all jumbled together so the spacing might be really wonky). Thanks so much for reading and reviewing *Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge* I hope you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N:**_ So not as many reviews as I would have hoped but since it's my first story I'm not too worried about it. I am surprised by all of the follows and favorites so thanks everyone for the support. I wanted to make this chapter longer than the first so tell me how you think it stacks up. Give me any advice or suggestions you may have and please review! Thanks and enjoy!

Previously

"Take them away boys" Her gaze dropped into that of loathing and she glared at them until they were hauled onto their feet, despite Arthur's injury, and dragged away.

Morgana's men put bags over their heads so they couldn't see where they were going. Morgana still didn't know about Merlin's magic, and he could use that to his and Arthur's advantage. The only problem was Arthur. Merlin had to make sure Arthur couldn't see him do his magic. If he did, Merlin was sure Arthur would never forgive him. It just wasn't the right time to tell him.

When the bag was ripped off his head Arthur was alone. Merlin was nowhere to be seen and his only company was the guard who threw him on the ground like a sack of potatoes. "Merlin!" Arthur screamed, looking towards the door, eyes wide. What had they done with his manservant? Where was Merlin? Was he all right? No, he wasn't concerned about him, Merlin was his manservant, although he still found himself muttering reassuring words that Merlin was safe and unharmed, when he heard a man scream down the hall.

Merlin was very much not safe and unharmed. He was strung up by his wrists, and he couldn't see Arthur. Merlin didn't know where he was; all he knew was that Morgana was digging a knife into any unharmed piece of flesh she could find. As of right now her knife was an inch into his thigh and was slowly continuing down his leg. He didn't even hear Morgana's questions, all he could hear was his own screams and the thought that the pain would never end. Merlin let out a whimper. "What do you want Morgana?" He couldn't even pick his head up to look at her as she responded.

"I want revenge. I want all of Camelot to know how I have suffered. I want everyone to know my pain." She stared at the wall. She didn't understand how nobody cared or knew that she had suffered, or why. They didn't care that they caused it, they didn't care that they were the ones who turned her into this, who turned her into what she is. They made her like this, and there was no going back now. Everyone had to know, otherwise they would never understand.

"Then why do I have a knife if my leg? If you want to let all of Camelot know how you suffered, then it's going to take a while to torture every last person, personally Morgana."

Morgana flashed an evil smile at Merlin. "Because _Arthur_ needs to know how I suffered. How I felt when my sister died, when he killed my kind in front of me. I want him to know pain, but not only physical, my griffin took care of that for me. I want him to know _pain_ Merlin. I want him to see everyone he loves taken from him, and watch his kingdom fall to its knees." She leaned in close to his face. She wondered if in a different universe this could've been her and Merlin, in her chambers and instead of her torturing him and leaning in to spit in his face, she would lean in for a kiss. But that would never have happened anyways. Uther would have never allowed a servant to court his ward. His precious ward that he treated like dirt after he found out about her magic. Gaius had gotten it right, when it came to magic Uther was blind to reason.

"I doubt that will happen Morgana..." Merlin's eyes began to droop and Morgana could tell that he was nodding off, but she wasn't finished with him just yet. She promptly walked over to Him and twisted the knife in his leg. Blood spurted onto her dress and hands, but she didn't mind. She was used to it by now.

Merlin was almost to an abyss of nothingness, when the pain in his leg seared, and he screamed as more flesh was torn and twisted and blood spilled everywhere. It wasn't enough to knock him out, but enough to wake him up. He rolled his head back and looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes. Usually in these situations he had Arthur by his side to comfort him and to tell him to stop being such a girl, that it was just a scratch. He rolled his head forward again, confident Morgana would not get the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

Arthur had fallen asleep. He didn't know for how long, but he woke up to Merlin's screams. Arthur couldn't bear to hear any man, much less his manservant, scream in such agony and torment. "Merlin!" He yelled again for the 12th time. Yes he had been counting. Arthur knew Merlin probably couldn't hear him, he supposed the only reason he yelled was in hope that he might get a response and know Merlin was alive, but the screams would have to do for now. Before he fell asleep he was awake for only a few hours, so as far as Arthur knew they could've been there for days or hours, but he knew Merlin wouldn't last much longer. Whatever Morgana wanted from him, she would get it soon. But what could she want from _Merlin_?

"I know you think he can't hear you, but he can. He hears you yell but doesn't yell back. Want to know why?" Morgana sauntered out of the darkness in the corner and into the light of the torches. The smile dancing on her face was full of evil, hate, and sadness. Why had Arthur seen sadness in the witch's smile?

Arthur looked up; he hadn't even heard her come into the room. "Morgana." Arthur tried to sound brave but the name came out defeated and dejected. He knew that whatever she was doing to Merlin, it wasn't good, but there was nothing he could do about it without getting himself or Merlin killed. "What do you want with Merlin? He has no information I'm not a fool. I know Merlin could never keep a secret to save his life." He was insulted that she thought of him as stupid enough to tell his servant the secrets of Camelot. But Merlin wasn't just a servant, and Arthur knew that. Arthur just couldn't understand how someone could torture a person like _Merlin_ he was so...so...he was Merlin. He scrawny and he didn't know how to fight or defend himself. He didn't know one end of a sword from the other, and was not trained to withstand torture, so why hadn't he broken yet?

Morgana stared at the floor as she opened the door "You'll find out soon enough." She whispered just loud enough that he could hear her. The whisper alone sent chills through Arthur, but the words that went along with it were confusing and alarming at the same time.

Merlin felt the pain everywhere and it didn't stop. There wasn't a pattern, no rhythm just merciless torture. Mostly knife wounds but fire was used as well, and the nathair. She had only used the snake once, and for a _very_ short period of time, but once was enough for Merlin to know he would never forget it. Between the burns and the cuts and bruises he didn't know what hurt the most. Almost every inch of him was bleeding or bruised or beginning to scar. He couldn't let Morgana know about his magic, and he couldn't let Arthur find out either, so the one thing he knew how to use to defend himself, was taken. He was defenseless and hopeless that they would never get out of this godforsaken place. He never pleaded with Morgana, he didn't want to give her that satisfaction, and he didn't want to let her know that he was in so much pain, she already knew that.

Merlin's screams were off and on, but when he stopped this time, something was different. Arthur could hear a door open and Morgana mumbling something to the guards down the hall. Arthur stood at his door, peering out the only window in the room until he saw two guards, each holding one of Merlin's upper arms and walking swiftly down the hallway while Merlin's feet dragged on the ground and his head was tipped forward so you could only see the top of his head full of raven black hair. Arthur sat down and scooted himself over towards a corner of the room. He did his best considering his injury. Once he was finished he was exhausted. He knew his wound was getting worse and the dressings needed to be changed in order to prevent infection, but there was nothing he could do about that now. He was fighting to stay awake when the guard outside unlocked his door, and the two guards dragging Merlin along waltzed into the room, followed by Morgana.

Merlin was thrown onto the ground face first. Arthur couldn't believe the amount of scarring and burn marks and knife wounds and stabs and so many things Arthur would have never imagined on his manservant. Arthur couldn't look at him. He couldn't bear the sight of his friend lying there so vulnerable and so broken.

Arthur tried to get up to get to him, but Morgana placed a spell on Arthur to keep him in place. "I want you to see this." She glared at Arthur menacingly but also with pity. She pitied him because he was about to experience only the beginning of what she had dealt with the past few years, and nobody should have to deal with any of it, but she wanted-no, needed her revenge in order to cope. She needed Arthur to understand. "I want you to know how I suffered at yours and Uther's hands." Her voice started to crack and tears welled up in her eyes. "I want you to see everyone you care for, everyone you love, taken from you." A single tear spilled over, and onto her cheek as she pulled her sword out of its sheath.

 _ **A/N:**_ So just to let you know now, I don't think I'll be able to upload a new chapter every day but I will do my best. I have a rough idea of where this story is headed but nothing is set in stone, so please review! I am always glad to hear suggestions or advice from anyone so don't hesitate to review. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:**_ Hi everyone! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and favorited and followed! Your support means a lot to me! This chapter is pretty short but I couldn't help it much. Please review and tell me what you think! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3

Morgana had three tears streaming down her face when he sword plunged into Merlin's gut. She had two guards hold him up, so she could see his face when it happened. He gasped as his head came up and his eyes grew wide with pain. It soon dawned on Merlin that he was still with Morgana, and it hadn't been some sort of deranged nightmare.

Merlin was awake in Gaius's chambers, in his own bed. He woke up sweating profusely and wondering how he had gotten there. Gaius knocked and Merlin told him to enter. Merlin heard Gaius unsheathe the sword he had with him. Why would Gaius have a sword with him? Gaius was poised to strike when Merlin opened his eyes slowly and Gaius was replaced with Morgana. Merlin couldn't move. What was happening? He felt two strong hands on each of his arms and he then understood what was happening. He saw Arthur out of the corner of his eyes, unmoving, but not unconscious. Why wasn't he doing anything? Didn't he want to help Merlin? Realization dawned on Merlin and he knew that this was the beginning of Morgana's torture of Arthur. Unfortunately he knew that although Arthur thought Merlin was going to die, Morgana had other plans. She would just keep hurting Merlin until she could get her hands on someone else Arthur cared about. Merlin closed his eyes again before Morgana plunged her sword into his gut, but couldn't refrain from opening them when it happened. He gasped with pain, but knew it wouldn't be the last he felt. He was dropped to the ground by the guards and was bleeding out on the floor.

Arthur saw Merlin fall. He couldn't believe his eyes, Morgana had just stabbed Merlin, and Arthur couldn't do anything about it. "Merlin" His voice was no more than a whisper yet it still found a way to crack.

Morgana released her spell on Arthur when she stabbed Merlin but Arthur couldn't move anyways, due to his injury.

"Don't worry Arthur," Merlin looked at him with sad eyes coated with pain. "I'll see you again soon," Merlin promised as the guards picked him up again and dragged him away, and back to his cell. Despite Merlin's promise, Arthur wondered if that was the last time he would see Merlin.

Merlin's stomach was on fire, but definitely not from indigestion or hunger this time. He was very aware of what was going on around him. He had been fading in and out of sleep when Morgana decided it was a good idea to stab him with her sword. The only things keeping him alive were his magic, which he attempted to control, and Morgana's weak healing spells. Not that Morgana couldn't complete a more complex healing spell, but she knew she couldn't let Merlin die and she didn't want him fully healed. She wanted him to feel the pain just as much as Arthur, for all he had done to ruin her plans numerous times, and to let him know this was only the beginning of much pain to come. Merlin just couldn't fathom the idea of _more_ pain than what he was experiencing at the moment.

"Why are you crying, Morgana? You're close to all you've ever wanted, but you pity me and Arthur?" Merlin was thoroughly confused.

"That is none of your concern, and I believe _I_ am the one who asks the questions here, anyways," She wiped the tears from her face, not having noticed them. How could she have been so foolish to show a weakness in front of her enemies? Despite Arthur's being her brother, Morgana had no attachment whatsoever to him or Merlin. Especially Merlin, she barely knew the man, which made it all the more easy to torture him so terribly.

Merlin didn't have any more energy to devote to thinking about Morgana and the tears that just a moment ago, had been streaming down her face at a steady pace. He needed to concentrate on healing, though he was sure he wouldn't be given much time to do so. Merlin blacked out and welcomed the nothingness with kindness, and gave it power to take away his pain for a while.

"Why Merlin, Morgana? He's just my manservant!" Arthur knew this was far from the truth, but it was difficult to admit out loud, and Morgana wasn't an idiot, she knew how Arthur had grown fond of Merlin.

Arthur heard a muffled reply from the corner "You know why, Arthur." She glared at him, though she knew Arthur couldn't see her. "How do you think I felt when my sister was killed? How do you think I felt when you condemned so many of my kin to a slow and painful death on the pyre?"

Arthur had never looked at it from her standpoint before. He never thought of her suffering. Arthur only knew that the woman he once called his sister was gone, replaced with a person he didn't know. "Why not me? You've only ever wanted my crown, so why not get me out of your way?" Arthur furrowed his brow and continued to stare into the shadows. Was she even still there?

"You'll get your wish soon enough Arthur, but not before I have taken every reason for you to live. Every person, everything you worked for will be gone, so you will _beg_ for death. You will plead with me to make it stop, and you will know the only way for that to happen will be for you to die" Morgana reveled in the idea of Arthur begging her for anything, much less death. A small smile grew on her face, and her eyes lit up with excitement, giving her new motivation to continue her mission.

Merlin was getting used to the pain now. He was finally starting to adjust to it. Unfortunately, Morgana either knew exactly how this sort of thing worked, or it was just his luck that at that moment, Morgana decided to pop in to say hello. Merlin assumed she had come in to gloat or torture him, but she decided against it. There was another figure with her when she came into the room. Merlin hadn't noticed until she stepped out into the light, and Merlin realized who the figure was.

 _ **A/N:**_ I hope you enjoyed! I know this chapter was short but I am cut off rudely by my mother ushering me to bed, so I have to make this quick. I want to hear your guys thoughts on it. It's not as good as I would have liked but I'll live. I want you guys to choose something for me. Tell me who you think the person should be that Morgana brought with her. It can either be Gwen, Merlin's mother, or Gwaine. Please review, suggestions and advice is always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:**_ Hello all! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Just so you know, I'm way too lazy to write ahead but I do have ideas for what will happen in future chapters, although this doesn't mean you can't have a say in what happens. Even if you don't want to have a say I always love to hear what you think so please review and enjoy!

Chapter 4

Merlin gasped, as much as he could with being strung up, when he saw how awful Gwaine looked already. Merlin was sure it was nothing in comparison to how he looked at the moment, but he wasn't worried about it right then. He was glad Gwaine wasn't conscious, but Merlin knew it wouldn't last long.

Morgana strung Gwaine up next to Merlin. _So we'll be familiar with each other's screams. Great,_ Merlin thought. He didn't want Gwaine to see him in his current state, and he was sure Gwaine didn't want Merlin to be privy to his agonizing yells and screams that would soon fill the room, even the hallway. Merlin was so focused on seeing what injuries Gwaine had only by looking at him, that he almost forgot about his own. Although it was pretty difficult to forget that you currently had a huge hole in your stomach. Gwaine started to groan when Morgana strung him up and his eyes flickered open. He looked around the room, his eyes adjusting to the light until they rested on Merlin, taking in his various wounds and scars through his tattered shirt finally resting on the gaping wound in his torso.

Gwaine was out on patrol, looking for Arthur and Merlin when he heard something in the bush nearby. He trailed away from the group, but told them to keep going, that he would catch up later. How wrong he was. Gwaine didn't know what was coming, and before he could do anything Morgana knocked him out. He woke up what seemed like only hours later in a cell. He was alone but he wasn't bound. Gwaine was drawn to the only light in the room, the torch near the door, which contained the only window in the room. Naturally he looked out, but all he saw was a long hallway with more doors, the same as his. Where was he? How did he even get here? Gwaine decided not to worry about that right now, he needed to focus on getting out.

Being Gwaine, he tried brute force, though he was sure it wouldn't work, but then that was his favorite kind of fight. He ran towards the door and rammed his shoulder into it. It didn't budge. He tried again, and again it didn't move. It felt thick, like solid oak. _This must've been a castle,_ Gwaine thought. No other place would have this quality of prison cells. It must've been abandoned some time ago, judging by the cobwebs, or someone just had a very strange style of décor. He chuckled to himself, at least he still had his sense of humor, not that it was great to begin with.

Gwaine kept pushing and trying to break down the door until he was fairly sure he dislocated his shoulder. It was badly bruised and hurt like the dickens but he needed to get out. He needed to find Merlin and Arthur. Gwaine was sure it was Morgana who took them, and it was Morgana who took Gwaine. She didn't have the resources to keep them in different locations.

Morgana chuckled evilly down the hall and he heard someone scream. Gwaine had never heard the like. They were long and drawn out, full of agony and torment. Gwaine didn't know for certain, but he almost thought it was Merlin. _But why would Morgana torture Merlin? What has he ever done besides pity her? Exactly, idiot,_ Gwaine thought. _It couldn't be Merlin._

Merlin saw Gwaine's eyes widen when they saw the wound in his torso. His mouth hung open with disbelief.

Morgana had left so they needn't worry about her for a bit, although Merlin was concerned where she was, because to Morgana there was no such thing as down time. She was always plotting, planning, torturing, or attacking. Merlin never even saw her eat, though every time he saw her she was attacking them or torturing him, so he didn't really have the opportunity.

"I wouldn't leave your mouth gaping like that in here," Merlin joked, trying to lighten the mood "the flies are awful." He chuckled for the first time in days.

" _Merlin!_ " Gwaine grinned but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were full of concern for Merlin, but he was also in pain from what looked to Merlin like a dislocated shoulder and several other injuries.

"That shoulder's got to hurt." Merlin winced at the thought. He tried to fight the fatigue that was taking over his body, but to no avail. "What did you do to earn that one..." Merlin yawned and looked over at Gwaine.

"Sleep mate, you need it," Gwaine ordered, ignored his friend's question.

Arthur was sitting in the corner, peeling apart straw when Morgana showed up outside his door. Arthur tried to stand up to confront her, but his wound was almost surely infected and he had developed a fever overnight. Morgana tossed him a piece of stale bread and a small portion of water. It was the first food and drink Arthur had seen in four days. Arthur shoved the bread in his mouth and guzzled the water. It wasn't much but it was enough to keep him alive, but only barely.

Morgana scoffed "Even now your manners are as bad as they were when you were ten."

Arthur rolled his eyes "I think under the circumstances, I have a right to forgo manners, Morgana." Arthur protested with his mouth full.

"That's not what I came to discuss." Morgana kept her head angled low as she glared down at Arthur. "I came to tell you one of your knights had come to rescue his beloved prince. Well he has failed, and now you will see him suffer, alongside Merlin." Morgana had one goal planted in her mind and that was to make Arthur suffer as she had. Although she had already made her point clear, she needed to make sure he understood that she would follow through with this.

Arthur had no doubt Morgana intended on trying to ruin Arthur's life, but it came as no surprise to Arthur that his knights had come looking for him. He was after all, the king of Camelot and it was only their duty to serve and protect him. Since they failed, he could see them trying to make up for it by rescuing him, but only one? There was only one man that Arthur knew who would do such a thing. Gwaine. Arthur had known him for too long for him not to know it was Gwaine who had come to rescue Arthur on his own.

"Who is it Morgana? At least tell me that." Arthur was worried. If he was wrong and it wasn't Gwaine then who was it? Who else would dare test such odds?

"You'll find out soon enough," Morgana grinned and walked out of the room. She decided to torture Arthur later. Next time she would have a different approach.

Arthur face went pale. The last time Morgana had said those words, Merlin ended up with a sword in his gut, but at least now he knew Merlin was still alive. Morgana said he would see him again, even if it was being tortured, Arthur didn't care, as long as he was alive.

When Merlin awoke again, Gwaine was staring at him, studying the various injuries and wounds. Gwaine was confused because there were scars that had been there much longer than the few days Merlin and Arthur had been missing. Merlin flinched and Gwaine looked away as Merlin groaned in pain. Morgana's healing spell was wearing off and his wound in his torso was starting to burn again. Merlin wanted to curl up in a ball and pass out again, but now that he had felt the searing pain of his injury once more, there was no way that was happening.

The guard unlocked the door and Morgana sauntered in. "So you're going to get your hands dirty today, are you Morgana?" Gwaine taunted and Merlin mentally slapped him. This is what Gwaine must've done in order to earn those injuries and now he was earning them for both Merlin and himself.

"Oh, now" Morgana clicked her tongue at him and feigned a sigh "Is that really a way to treat your hostess? After all I could've made life much worse for you by now, but you've had it easy." Morgana's eyes glinted with rage and her hands itched to get to work.

 _Tell me about it,_ Merlin thought and rolled his eyes as he looked at the floor.

Morgana walked over to Merlin and took his chin in her right hand "You're awfully quiet today Merlin. Is that wound starting to bother you?" Morgana mocked concern for him and her voice dripped with sarcasm. "So, who's ready to have some fun!"

"I wouldn't consider this fun, Morgana," Merlin mumbled under his breath.

"Well I didn't ask for your opinion now did I, Merlin?" Morgana took out her knife and ran the flat side against Merlin's face, which was the one part of his body that was unharmed by her besides a few bruises, but nothing that would scar. She then walked over to Gwaine and said "You know what, I think I'll give you two a present today. Aithusa!" Morgana called to the white dragon that was apparently waiting out in the hall. The creature hobbled in and glared at Merlin. She knew who Merlin was. Merlin was the bad man who hurt her mistress. Merlin was the man who hadn't been there for her. She could feel his magic and his power over her, but he wasn't abusing it. Why not? Perhaps he didn't know about it, or perhaps he didn't know how to use it or control it. Aithusa didn't care the reason, but she was glad she had free reign to do as her mistress directed.

"Gwaine, meet Aithusa, Aithusa meet Gwaine" Morgana mocked an introduction when Aithusa blew fire at Gwaine's leg. Gwaine screamed in agony and Merlin closed his eyes tight so the tears threatening to spill over wouldn't. He wasn't sure if he was crying because he couldn't bear to see his friend in pain or because he couldn't imagine more than what he was experiencing with the wound in his torso right now.

Gwaine screamed for what felt like forever, but it was really only a few seconds. He knew that Merlin had endured far worse just by looking at the stab wound he had sustained, but this felt like hell. Gwaine couldn't keep this up much longer, not that he had a choice. "Gaaaaahhhh!" Gwaine threw his head back and roared in pain. The smoke from Gwaine's leg was making it hard to breathe. It made him sick that so much smoke could come from one burn.

Finally the smoke stopped but it was replaced with Merlin's screams as Aithusa burnt his right shoulder and part of his neck and arm. Merlin tried his hardest not to scream but it was too difficult. The tears he had been holding in freely came down onto his cheeks and he only hoped Gwaine couldn't see him. He told himself he would never plead with Morgana to make it stop or to give her the satisfaction of seeing him cry, but Merlin couldn't help the latter, and he came so close to begging.

Arthur could hear the screams down the hall, as usual, but it didn't make it any easier. There was a new set of screams today, he noticed, and he could only assume it was Gwaine. At least Merlin wasn't alone now, or Arthur hoped he wasn't. Then Arthur heard Merlin's screams, but just barely. Merlin's voice was cracking and breaking, soon it would be nothing more than a whisper.

Arthur had to do something. Thankfully the only source of heat in the room was the torch, so his fever wasn't getting worse. It wasn't winter but it was spring so the rain helped cool the stone. Arthur knew enough to lean against the cool, stonewall, farthest away from the torch. His fever was improving, but not fast enough. Unfortunately because Arthur wasn't a physician and there weren't any herbs at his disposal anyways, there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do was wait, and from his estimations, by tomorrow the fever will have passed. He just didn't know if Merlin and Gwaine could hold out that long. Well they didn't have a choice. They'd have to if they wanted to live.

Eventually the pain took hold and Merlin passed out in the middle of their "session" with Morgana. She tried to wake him by slicing, stabbing, Aithusa slashing, amd burning, none of which worked. They only gave him more injuries. Gwaine was worried. Merlin had lost a lot of blood from various things, and he didn't even know if the limp form of his friend still had a pulse. That was the worst thing going through his mind: the idea that Merlin might be dead. It was hard to tell if he was breathing because of being strung up but clearly Morgana didn't care if he was dead. Why should she? Gwaine supposed that to her Merlin was expendable. But when Morgana finally left after giving them each a sip of water to keep them alive, Gwaine saw Merlin's chest rising and falling just slightly with short and shallow breaths, just before Gwaine passed out and he was content in the knowledge that Merlin was alive...for now.

Arthur hardly slept at all that night. He heard Gwaine's screams continue, but Merlin's stopped about halfway through. He had heard Gwaine yell Merlin's name and that had confirmed that it truly was Gwaine in the other room with Merlin, but he didn't hear anything else. What if Merlin was dead? _No. That can't be,_ Arthur thought. _I didn't get to say goodbye. I never got to tell him what he meant to me. What would Gaius think? We went on a simple hunting trip and got captured, but I couldn't even protect my own servant. How could I tell Guinevere that her best friend is dead? No. I will believe he's not dead. He can't be dead. I won't_ let _him be dead. He's not allowed to die without my permission._

Arthur took comfort in Merlin's last words to him 'Don't worry Arthur, I'll see you soon'. He kept repeating those words in his head as he thought of ways to escape. If he could just get back to Camelot and tell the others to go back, at least to send a few men out to get Merlin and Gwaine...Arthur didn't finish his thought, as he nodded off before he could, thinking of Merlin and his last words.

 _ **A/N:**_ I hope you enjoyed! I wasn't quite sure how to do the torture scene so I did my best. I didn't want to have Morgana keep saying that she needed them to feel her pain to suffer as she did because I felt that would be way to repetitive and annoying to read so I showed more of her dark side (not that she's got a light one anymore ;) ) in this chapter. Please review! The beginning was a little shaky but I felt like I got into a groove eventually and it got better as the chapter progressed so please review and give me any suggestions. I do want to know if you all think I should have Arthur rescue Merlin and Gwaine when he escapes the first time (They can't stay with Morgana forever) or just rescue Merlin or Gwaine the first time and have to go back for the other, or Rescue neither and come back for both later. Tell me what you think! Sorry for such a long note but thanks so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N:**_ Hi! I'm so sorry for not updating sooner but there was a death in the family and unfortunately I didn't have access to a computer until yesterday night. I don't know why but in the last chapter it deleted the line breaks on its own so i'm sorry if it was still confusing to read. Hopefully it won't do the same thing for this one. Thanks for being patient and thanks for the reviews, they're always appreciated. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 5

 _Previously_

 _Arthur took comfort in Merlin's last words to him 'Don't worry Arthur, I'll see you soon'. He kept repeating those words in his head as he thought of ways to escape. If he could just get back to Camelot and tell the others to go back, at least to send a few men out to get Merlin and Gwaine...Arthur didn't finish his thought, as he nodded off before he could, thinking of Merlin and his last words._

Morgana knew she couldn't keep on like this forever. Eventually Merlin would die and so would Arthur, but that wouldn't be enough for her. He had to suffer. He had to understand her pain. He would never know the pain of losing someone as close to her as her sister unless she killed Merlin or Guinevere. She had thought about it, contemplated it, she even planned how it would be done. She thought of exactly how she would kill them and she had imagined how Arthur would feel. What else did she have to do? Even if she only killed Merlin, or only killed Gwen Arthur would be lost. He wouldn't know what to do with himself. Either way Morgana couldn't let that happen. She wanted them all to suffer and even Gwen had to. Merlin had poisoned her, killed her sister and he was supposed to be her friend. She thought she was on his side, she thought she finally found someone who understood her, and even he betrayed her. Her own _father_ betrayed her.

Morgana mulled things over while she sat in her chambers with a torch near the door and a couple of windows as the only light. Morgana decided she didn't like the light much anymore. She was too used to the darkness. After 2 years of it, her eyes never adjusted fully to the light. Morgana also knew that light symbolized good and that was something she knew others didn't see her as anymore. She had changed. She grew up.

Morgana suddenly wondered why. She knew it was mostly because of her magic but why didn't she stand up for herself? She took matters into her own hands and look where that got her. Up until recently she was living in a hovel in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. Not the best situation. She often wondered if she had told Uther about her "gifts" if his views of magic might have changed, but she knew that she couldn't have risked the possibility of him executing her. Although he tried to keep to his promise of protecting her, she knew, even if she didn't want to admit it at the time, that he wouldn't have ever let this pass. She could have tried to hide it until he died, but then there was Arthur. Even after many years as king he _still_ didn't view magic much differently than his father. Morgana knew there was no changing his mind, especially after everything she had done. Morgana did regret some things she had done in the past, like not telling Uther about her magic, but she realized that if she hadn't taken some of the steps she did she wouldn't have ever met her sister, or she might never have realized her true potential. She often realized after doubting her decisions that she felt even more confident in them than before. Although those doubts were still there in the back of her mind, almost constantly nagging at her, and she couldn't get them to go away.

Gwaine moaned as he regained consciousness. The burn on his leg seared in pain. He looked to his right to find Merlin still breathing, but only just. The breaths were short and labored but they were still breaths. The fact that he was strung up didn't help his breathing, but Gwaine was confident that Merlin was at least stable…for now. Gwaine's shoulder protested as he tried to pull himself up to a standing position, but his leg couldn't stand the weight, as soon as he got close he collapsed, which only made the throbbing in his shoulder worse.

Gwaine couldn't help but wonder where Arthur was. He knew that Merlin had gone on a hunting trip with Arthur, but all they knew afterwards was that Arthur and Merlin had not returned when they were scheduled to. For the first day or two they decided not to look because the knights knew that hunting trips could take up more or less time than expected especially with fluctuating weather. But after the second day the kingdom, mostly Gwen and the round table, began to worry. Gwaine wondered that if they had gone looking in the first few days, they might've been able to prevent some of Merlin's torture. Gwaine didn't know what state Arthur was in, heck he didn't even know if he was _alive_. _What if he isn't?_ Gwaine wondered? He knew that naturally Gwen would take over the kingdom and the knights had no issues with this arrangement, but if Merlin survived and Arthur didn't, Merlin would never forgive himself. For whatever reason the man thought of it as his duty to protect Arthur. Truthfully most of the knights thought it was quite hilarious and Gwaine didn't understand either, mostly because of his hatred of royals and nobility in the first place.

Gwaine looked over at Merlin again and saw he was fidgeting. Gwaine didn't know if this was because of infection, or fever or consciousness. Either way it was irritating his wounds and they were beginning to seep blood again. "Stand still, mate." Gwaine whispered in attempt to get Merlin to stop squirming.

"I can't," Merlin protested. "They're itchy." Merlin tried to itch his wounds but his hands were above him and he had no strength to lift his feet, though he still tried, but this only aggravated the gash in his thigh.

Honestly, Gwaine hadn't expected an answer so he raised his eyebrows when he found out Merlin was awake. "Well at least keep your voice down. Don't want the guards coming back now do we?" Gwaine winked and grinned but wasn't even sure Merlin could see him.

Merlin saw the wink and grin, and chuckled. It was more of a cough but Gwaine could tell the difference. "No. They can't handle us. We're too tough for them." Merlin winced at the effort it took him to say this simple sentence. He took as deep of a breath as he could and sighed. Merlin would have never imagined that he could be in such pain, but here he was. He could only hope that Arthur was fairing better and that he had some sort of a plan to get out.

Arthur had no plan…well he had a plan, if you could even call it that. Arthur was sure he was going mad, but as far as he knew this was the only was he could get them out alive. Even then he might have to come back for one or both of them. _If_ Arthur had to leave one of them, he still wasn't sure which one he would take back with him. Merlin made sense but so did Gwaine. Merlin had some training with Gaius so he could treat Arthur's and his wounds to an extent and or tell Arthur how to do so. Gwaine on the other hand was a mystery at the moment. Arthur didn't know the extent of Gwaine's injuries or if he even had any. If he didn't have any, Arthur would take Gwaine, because there was a better chance of getting back to Camelot sooner and if anyone attacked them on their way, Gwaine could protect Arthur and himself. On the other hand, If he was injured, Gwaine would really be of no help to Arthur except for speed. Arthur knew of at least one Merlin's injuries and that was the stab wound from the sword. Arthur knew Merlin couldn't last more than a week more, if that, but if he and Gwaine could make it back to Camelot in a day or two at a gallop then he might have a chance. Arthur was really torn between the two. It ultimately made more sense to take Gwaine because Arthur knew Merlin had a better chance that way, but he wanted Merlin to know that he wasn't abandoning him, he wasn't going to let him die here, alone and afraid. Arthur wouldn't do that to his friend.

The plan was pretty much to make a run for it. He wanted to do it tonight because it seemed as though Morgana hadn't been around today or at least hadn't tortured Merlin and Gwaine. He knew she was probably making sure they would live but if she found out Arthur had escaped he didn't know what she'd do with Merlin. He had to try though. If they stayed it was a guaranteed death for all of them and if he left at least they had a shot and they would go down with a fight.

Morgana decided she would give Gwaine and Merlin a rest. _After all,_ she thought, _I wouldn't want them to die this early on. They must understand and they must sympathize for me. They must understand, they need to understand. I need them to understand. They have to know how it felt to be so alone and so afraid. To be afraid of everyone you thought were your friends and people you thought loved you. How it feels to have everyone you grew up with, and everyone you knew hate you, despise you, to not care._ Morgana concluded it would be best to keep them alive a bit longer. _In that case I have the day to myself and I don't even have to leave my chambers._ Morgana knew Arthur's wound would slow him down if he tried anything and Merlin and Gwaine were in no position to leave. Morgana was convinced she had nothing to worry about.

 _ **A/N:**_ Be honest, how did you like it? It's not my best in my opinion so I'm not really satisfied. I'm really trying to make the chapters longer because I hate short chapters, but now that I'm back to updating almost every day I guess it's alright. I know I say this every time, but please do review. It means a lot and I love getting feedback so any and all reviews are welcomed and appreciated. I hope you enjoyed it and that it wasn't too boring!

P.S. Chapter 6 will most likely be up by tonight but no promises ;)


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N:**_ Hi! I was really motivated to write so I went ahead and wrote the next chapter. Just so you know there will also be another one posted tomorrow so this is just makeup for this weekend. Some of this didn't feel quite right but I am posting it anyway. Some pats felt a little cheesy and some felt a little bit forced but I don't know that might just be me. I'm rambling now so thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 6

 _Previously_

 _Morgana concluded it would be best to keep them alive a bit longer. In that case I have the day to myself and I don't even have to leave my chambers. Morgana knew Arthur's wound would slow him down if he tried anything and Merlin and Gwaine were in no position to leave. Morgana was convinced she had nothing to worry about._

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It had been a day. Merlin saw Arthur leave. He saw him take Gwaine but not him. Why? Merlin hadn't used any magic, he didn't understand. Why would Arthur leave him? He heard him whisper something about coming back but Merlin didn't hear the rest. He heard Gwaine protest, saying they couldn't just leave him here, but Arthur insisted it was the only way he would live. Merlin just didn't understand. After all this time, did Arthur not care? Did he not think of Merlin as a friend? Did he not _value_ Merlin? Merlin didn't know but he knew Arthur would come back for him. He had to. Merlin would not give up hope that he would get out of this God forsaken place. He had to keep up hope; he had to believe that Arthur would come back for him. Arthur wouldn't forget about him.

Morgana told him otherwise, but Merlin insisted that Arthur would return. Infection was setting in so he didn't know how long he had. The wound in his stomach was getting worse and worse by the minute. Arthur needed to hurry.

Morgana didn't care how badly he was injured at this point, but Merlin wasn't awake for most of the torture anyways. Most of it was just Morgana getting her anger out by hitting Merlin, but she would pick painful spots like his leg or his gut or his shoulder. This would wake Merlin up sometimes if the hit was hard enough, but most of the time his body would react even if he wasn't awake or aware of the pain at the moment. Merlin would never even know Morgana had stopped by unless he woke up when she was present. Morgana stopped coming as frequently after the first day. Merlin stayed asleep most of the time, though he still faded in and out of consciousness. When he was awake, it wasn't for very long. The pain was too overwhelming for him to bear. He began to cry if he was by himself and he had started to lose hope that Arthur was indeed returning. He just didn't understand. Why hadn't he come back yet? Why wouldn't he save Merlin? Why?

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Arthur gathered the knights. It had been a day since he arrived in Camelot. He knew they didn't have much time to get to Merlin. It was only a day's ride to the Tower where they were held. It used to be a castle but now only a single tower remained. It was only just past dawn now. Gaius had patched Arthur up as best he could for the time being, knowing there was no stopping him in going back. Gaius only wished that he was as young as he once was so he could accompany them on this trip in case Merlin or anyone else needed immediate attention. Gaius wanted to let Gwaine go, but he feared he would only make the burn on his leg worse, or his shoulder, which had been reset. So despite Gwaine's protests, Gaius would not let him out of his chambers. The man could barely walk for goodness' sake!

Arthur decided they ride at dawn. Arthur wanted to make sure they got a full day of riding in and camp close enough to the tower that they wouldn't be found, but so that they would only have an hour or two until they got to it. Arthur knew the route well. It was right on the border of Arthur's kingdom and Cenred's kingdom. Arthur had passed by it many times as a prince, but obviously had never been inside. This is why it was only a day's ride from Camelot.

"Sire?" Leon glanced at him from his horse. Arthur had not yet mounted and they needed to get going. He got Arthur's attention and asked "Everything alright? Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, yes. Let's get moving." Arthur mounted and started off at a full gallop out of the courtyard.

Once they were in the woods Arthur knew exactly where he needed to go. He had told Leon the route so he was familiar with it as well. He need not remind the other knights; they should be familiar with the route from patrol. They were making good time, and they stopped only a few times so they could refill their water skins. They set up camp for the night as soon as night fell, and Arthur could tell they were exactly where they needed to be for the next day to go as planned. It was strange, Arthur was glad they were where they needed to be, when they needed to be but it felt too good to be true. _Just focus on getting Merlin, dollop head._ Arthur smiled to himself as he imagined what Merlin might say if he were here, then reminded himself he's not and that's why they _were_ there, was to save Merlin.

Arthur didn't sleep much that night. He was too anxious about the next day. He was worried for Merlin. What if he was dead? What if he was angry at Arthur for leaving him there alone? Arthur had to reassure himself that these things weren't true, about a million times before he finally fell asleep.

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Merlin awoke to the sound of a sword coming out of its sheath. His eyes opened wide as he tried to get out of his bonds. _Not again._ Merlin thought. _Not again. Please, no. Please don't do it._ After all that had gone on the past week, Merlin couldn't handle anymore. A single tear ran down his dirt covered face, when he realized the blow hadn't come yet. He thought the sword had sounded a bit far away. Suddenly the door to his cell opened and Merlin's panicked state was renewed. The guard came in and undid Merlin's wrists from the ropes. Merlin was very confused, but grateful at the same time. Why was the guard doing this? The guard grabbed Merlin around the waist and hoisted him over his shoulder.

"Quickly," She motioned to the guard, ushering him out of the room. They rushed down the hallway, which seemed to go on forever, when Merlin looked up and saw Arthur at the end of it. Merlin broke into a grin and laid his head back on the guard's back.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted. He wasn't sure if he could hear him, but Morgana could. She knew they were here. "Merlin! Merlin!" Arthur sprinted down the hallway and almost caught up to them, just before they turned a corner. He was wary of going after them, because she could be leading them straight into a trap, heck, he knew Morgana was leading them into a trap, but if he didn't follow them, Merlin could be lost to them forever. He decided to take the risk and follow, but of course Morgana was waiting for him. Arthur defeated the guard who had set Merlin down next to Morgana. Once the guard was out of the way, Morgana laughed. This was the perfect opportunity for her to make him suffer. She could kill Merlin, the knights. So many people that meant so much to Arthur, and they were practically waiting for her to strike. Percival, Elyan, and Leon caught up to Arthur but stayed back, away from Morgana.

"Did you really think you could defeat me? I am a high priestess of the old religion and you are a tiny king. What are you compared to me?" Morgana saw the stunned look on Arthur's face and took it for fear. She reveled in the thought of Arthur fearing her "You should be afraid, dear brother. I will make you rue the day you-" Morgana was cut short by a sword piercing her back. The guard's sword had fallen behind her when he was killed and Merlin, being Merlin, had stood up, grabbed the sword and plunged it into Morgana.

With all of the adrenaline rushing through him, he whispered in her ear "I'll make _you_ rue the day you thought you could break me." With a twist of the sword and a sickening squirting sound that made everyone cringe, Merlin hobbled over to Arthur and fell to the ground. Morgana's mouth was open wide, along with her eyes as she frantically tried to stop the bleeding.

Arthur put an arm under Merlin's legs and an arm under his back, after sheathing his sword, and they ran down the hallway, back the way they came. Despite Merlin's groans, and yelps, Arthur and the knights kept running, for fear that Morgana might follow. When they got back to the horses they wasted no time in getting on the horses, placing Merlin on Arthur's horse while Arthur got on behind him, and galloping back into the safety of the forest.

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Merlin woke up and saw Arthur at a standoff with Morgana, and panicked. Seeing the guard's sword next to him, he grabbed it, but was careful to make sure Morgana didn't hear him, stood up and stabbed her. He heard her talking to Arthur, but didn't care, he wasn't going to let her finish. He twisted the sword, hobbled over to Arthur, and blacked out.

Merlin didn't wake up for a while longer. They were finally out of the tower and in the forest. There was a fire and there was an empty pot that Merlin assumed had been filled with a stew of some sort. Merlin couldn't even think about eating right then. He felt like he was going to wretch as it was. He let out an involuntary groan as he turned his head to the side. None of his wounds were wrapped or cleaned or anything. Merlin chuckled, which was a very bad idea at the moment. He moved his right arm over his stomach but again, terrible idea, Merlin's shoulder felt like it was on fire again. "Arthur…Elyan…" Merlin moaned, trying to get someone's attention.

Someone was at his side in an instant. He immediately recognized the face as Arthur's. His blue eyes and blonde hair instantly gave him away. Arthur was asking Merlin something, but Merlin ignored the question, it could be answered later. Merlin had tears in his eyes and he could hear Arthur ask him what's wrong. "You came back" Merlin said as though he were a child. His voice was small right now and so fragile, it was as if it could be broken, like glass, at any moment. The other knights had gathered around the pair and when they heard the comment, some chuckled, others stayed silent and Arthur felt tears welling up in his own eyes. _No,_ he told himself. _You will not cry in front of your knights for a servant. He's just a servant Arthur. You will not cry for a servant._ But Arthur knew that everyone knew Merlin wasn't just a servant.

"Could you give us a moment?" Merlin asked the knights, and they dispersed back into the camp, starting to talk and eat again. Merlin looked at Arthur through the blur. He didn't want to cry in front of him, but the pain and relief was too great. "You came back" His voice broke at the end and he looked away.

Arthur put a hand on Merlin's chest, the only place that seemed the least injured "I would never leave you there to die, Merlin. I promised you that I would come back, and I did. Did you not think I would?"

Merlin looked back up at Arthur with his eyes full of tears that were overflowing onto his temples "I wasn't sure you were coming back. I had hoped, and I tried to believe you would come back, I tried to believe that you would keep your promise, but I failed. Morgana made it seem as though you left me for dead and I wanted to badly not to believe her, but she made it seem as though I wasn't worth saving. I am _just your servant_ after all." Merlin's eyes flickered closed.

 _ **A/N:**_ Thanks for reading! Please review! Thanks to Aaronna for reviewing constantly and giving suggestions and support. Thanks to everyone else as well. I'm glad you're enjoying it!


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:**_ Hi! I am so sorry that I didn't get this chapter to you guys when I promised, but don't worry I haven't left you. This chapter didn't feel like the best chapter to me, but I  
don't know, that might just be me. Anyways, it's kind of a filler chapter, and I'm not that happy with it. I'm in the process of writing the next chapter and I'm hoping that one will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for the follows favorites and reviews,  
enjoy!

Chapter 7

 _Merlin looked back up at Arthur with his big blueeyes full of tears that were overflowing onto his temples "I wasn't sure you were coming back. I had hoped, and I tried to believe you would come back, I tried to believe that you would keep your promise, but I failed. Morgana made it seem as though you left me for dead and I wanted to badly not to believe her, but she made it seem as though I wasn't worth saving. I am_ just  
your servant _after all." Merlin's eyes flickered closed._

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Arthur couldn't help thinking to himself afterwards, what in the world would make Merlin think that? Yes, there was Morgana, but there was more to it than that. Arthur would ask him some other time. Merlin needed to rest right now.

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It was a slow ride back to Camelot. They hadn't anticipated so many wounds inflicted upon one man, so they hadn't thought to bring a cart. Merlin couldn't sleep for much of it, due to the pain, but he was shivering and sweating and grunting and yelping,  
even at this extremely slow pace. Fever and infection had set in, and even Arthur knew this wasn't an ideal situation. Arthur knew that if they didn't get back to Camelot soon, this would have been all for nothing.

Since Merlin couldn't sleep, he wanted to help but of course he couldn't walk or move really at all, so he showed the knights how to treat the injuries they may have received when rescuing him. Arthur forced Merlin to teach him so he could treat Merlin,  
but instead Merlin just ended up ordering Arthur about, which ended in a lot of 'clot poles' and 'idiots', and 'dollop heads' exchanged on both sides. What good came of this was Merlin got his wounds wrapped to an extent. He wasn't sure how to treat  
some and they couldn't set others while riding so there was still a lot of pain, but he at least got some sleep from then on.

When they got to Camelot they rode slowly into the courtyard. Arthur dismounted and, as gently as he could, slid Merlin off after. Gwen came running down the steps to the castle with several guards in tow. "Where's Merlin?" she called, desperately looking  
for her best friend among the knights. Her eyes finally met with his. Hers filled with shock and relief and his filled with pain and fatigue. He was glad to see her but he quickly nodded off once she reached him and Arthur "Oh what did she do to you  
Merlin?" Gwen's eyes were full of tears threatening to spill over at any moment. "We have to get him to Gaius, he's burning up and there are so many-I just-we have to-" Gwen started to mumble as she lead Arthur up the stairs and to the physician's  
chambers.

Gaius saw Arthur come in with Merlin in his arms, but Merlin was almost unrecognizable. He was even skinnier than usual. His face covered in cuts and bruises and his body was mangled in ways Gaius didn't even want to think about. "Set him here," Gaius  
ordered, pointing to the bed, trying to keep his voice steady. "Gwen could you fetch me some fresh water and some honey from the kitchens?" Gaius began preparing potions and tinctures for the wounds and the pain. "Merlin can you hear me?"

Merlin opened his eyes slowly and moaned as he tried to breathe in. It hurt. Everywhere. Everything hurt, and he couldn't make it stop. Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and moaned "Gaius, please, make it go away. Make it go away." Gaius stroked Merlin's  
hair as he made him drink a potion that smelled and tasted like a swamp. "Thanks Gaius…" Merlin started to fade away back into the abyss again. The abyss was good, Merlin decided, and it helped take the pain away for a while.

As soon as Merlin was asleep, Arthur breathed a sigh of relief. Merlin had not known Arthur was present during his little charade, but if he had known, Arthur was sure he would have put on a brave face. Arthur wondered if he put on a brave face all the  
time. Or at least more than Arthur would have thought. Apparently there were a lot of things Arthur didn't know about Merlin. The scars were what mostly concerned him. Arthur had had plenty of battle wounds that later scarred, but Merlin's collection  
was like no other. Arthur could tell that some were old and some were new, but age didn't matter, Arthur wanted to know why his manservant's body was riddled with scars (besides the torture of course).

Arthur was also concerned about Merlin's high pain tolerance. He supposed it was a good thing in some ways, but also a very dangerous thing. Arthur never knew all those times that he was sick or injured, and judging by the scars there had been plenty  
of times that Merlin was with Arthur and didn't feel the need to tell Arthur he was in pain, or injured at least. Or maybe Arthur had known. All of those times that Merlin joked with him that he was dying when he went missing, or when he joked that  
he could have been bleeding out in the forest somewhere. What if that was Merlin's way of saying he actually _had_ been bleeding out, dying somewhere. Was Arthur _that_ bad of a friend? Was Arthur a terrible enough friend that he couldn't  
notice when his _best friend_ was dying? Arthur felt so guilty for all of the times that he brushed Merlin's comments aside and didn't listen to him. One of those times could have cost Merlin his life, and by the looks of it, many times it almost  
did.

Before Arthur knew it, he was in his chambers. Arthur had no idea how he got there but decided it was his way of telling himself to go to sleep. He fell asleep around midday but he didn't care. He was the king and would do as he pleased.

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When Arthur woke again it was only mid evening, which surprised Arthur. He would've thought he would sleep longer than that. It didn't really matter, but his wound was starting to bother him and he needed it cleaned and redressed or Gaius' previous work  
would have been for nothing.

When Arthur arrived in Gaius' chambers, Merlin's breathing had steadied and Gaius was making more potions and tinctures. The door was open but Arthur still knocked. "Gaius?" Arthur asked cautiously.

"I'll be right with you." Gaius mumbled. Arthur walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. At this Gaius practically jumped, but put a hand on his chest to slow his breathing when he realized it was only Arthur. Gaius chuckled but soon fell silent  
as his eyes strayed back to his ward.

"I'm sorry, Arthur, I'm a bit preoccupied at the moment and I can't really answer any questions about Merlin at the moment. I need to make sure he's stable but maybe in an hour when I've finished wrapping and setting and dressing and things, then maybe  
you can come back but for the moment I cannot help you." Gaius took a deep breath. There. He said it. He went back to mixing potions and reading recipes.

Arthur thought it best not to inform Gaius of his injury at the moment, seeing as he had a bit much on his plate already. "I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to help. I'm sorry if I disturbed you." Arthur put his head down and started  
to walk out of the room.

Gaius sighed "I suppose you could help keep him cool." Gaius handed him a rag and a stool. "I have to go to the lower town to help a breakout of the sweating sickness. He's woken at the same time every day but only for a few minutes if that. Find Gwen  
if he starts to shout, she'll know what to do." Gaius looked sorrowfully at Merlin one last time before grabbing his supplies and hurrying out of the room.

Arthur was taken aback as he was left standing with a stool and a cloth in his hands, with a bucket of cool water on the floor next to Merlin. Merlin was in the main room and his face was squeezed tight in pain. Arthur could only imagine the pain he was  
experiencing right now. Arthur wondered if Gaius had given him something for the pain like a sleeping draught or something but he decided not to worry about it. Even if Gaius hadn't, he must have his reasons. _After all, he is the court physician,_ Arthur  
thought to himself. Arthur dunked the cloth in the bucket and placed it on Merlin's forehead. The heat of Merlin's skin immediately suffocated anything that would have felt cool on the rag. The water melted with his sweat and became warm the moment  
it touched his skin. _What have I done? This is all my fault._ Arthur blamed himself for what happened to Merlin. Maybe if he had been a better brother to Morgana or if he had attempted to help her or find out what had been bothering her, maybe  
she wouldn't have turned out the way she did. If she hadn't been so set on torturing Arthur, Merlin wouldn't be dying. Gaius hadn't told him much about Merlin's condition, mostly because Arthur hadn't asked, but Arthur had seen too many battles and  
wounds to know that Merlin was in a bad state. He could only imagine what kind of effect this would have on Merlin. Arthur knew the road to rehabilitation would be a long one, but hopefully Merlin would pull through, _If he could get_ on _the road,_ Arthur  
thought.

"This is all my fault. All my fault. I should have…I should have…I should have done _something, anything._ If you die Merlin, I'll never forgive myself. Nothing would ever be the same without you. Gods Merlin I wish I could change what happened but  
I can't. I can't change what she did to you. Oh gods Merlin I don't know, I just…please…don't leave me." Arthur put his head in his hands for a few minutes, trying to imagine what a life without Merlin would be like, and found that everything he thought  
of were memories of him and Merlin; memories of hunting trips, of training, of just being together. Arthur found that to him, there was no such thing as a life without Merlin.

The cloth was warm when he took it off of Merlin again, but it was still wet. Whether that was from sweat or water, Arthur didn't want to know. He dunked it in the bucket again when he heard a gasp.

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Merlin's eyes shot open. The pain. The pain. It consumed him. It consumed his thoughts, his feeling, everything, it consumed him. He couldn't escape from it. When he was asleep he had nightmares of Morgana, and when he was awake there was the pain. There  
was no escaping what had happened. Every time Merlin would fall asleep, he would relive various injuries that he received while in Morgana's "care". Merlin just wanted it to end.

He let out an involuntary gasp as he woke up. His body attempted to sit up but this was futile. There was fire, everywhere. Merlin was on fire. Not literally of course, but that's what it felt like.

"Merlin! What do you think you're doing!

Someone was very angry with him. Merlin would recognize that voice and face anywhere. The strong arms that pressed him down onto the bed again definitely belonged to Arthur, but Merlin thought he was a guard, in his cell, beating him.

Merlin still thought he was in one of his nightmares. "Wha, morga, hur's, pleas, i' hurs, make stop, please make it stop." Merlin tried to express his pain through words but there were no words for his pain. At least not in this language. The tears running  
down the sides of his face were enough for Arthur to understand. Merlin sobbed as much as he could with all of his injuries. As he went on his talking got easier to understand. Merlin thought it would never end. The torture was endless, he may as  
well give up now. Merlin finally recognized Arthur as the one with him and saw that he was in Gaius' chambers.

"Merlin, it's alright, you're safe. You're with me, it's Arthur." Arthur's blue eyes stared at his and Merlin genuinely felt safe. He knew it would all be alright.

"No wonder I woke up. That stench is awful," Merlin tried to joke.

Arthur chuckled, knowing he was referring to Arthur. "It's good to see that you've still got your sense of humor. So how do you feel?" Arthur asked tentatively, wondering how many times he had probably been asked that question.

Merlin attempted a shrug but ended up wincing instead "Well my heart is still beating way too fast to be healthy, and I feel like I've been trampled by a horse, run through several times, and it feels like about 20 wagons decided it would be a good idea  
to run me over. So how does that sound?" Merlin's tone wasn't bitter, but sarcastic and joking. Arthur wondered how he could be so… so… _Merlin_ after everything that had just happened.

"That sounds about right." Arthur acknowledged he hadn't thought Merlin would be acting so normal right now. He always told Merlin what a girl he was or how he was being really stupid about a scratch, but truth be told, it was almost never a scratch and  
Merlin was one of the bravest men Arthur had ever met.

Merlin's eyes glazed over suddenly and he started shouting "No! Please! Morgana please no!" The shouts turned to mumbles and whimpers "It's okay Merlin. You'll be fine. It's almost over. It's almost over. She won't hurt you anymore." Merlin kept on like  
this for a while.

Arthur didn't want to leave him so he sent the guards to fetch Guinevere.

Gwen knew why she was needed when the guards came to get her, telling her the King needed to see her. She ran to the physician's chambers, where her best friend lay squirming and upsetting his wounds, and then she saw Arthur. He was like a frightened  
horse; he didn't know what to do with himself. Arthur had never had to be in this kind of situation before. "Merlin!" Gwen gasped, trying to ignore Arthur. "Hush, hush, it's alright Merlin. You're safe. We're by the lake. It's alright."

Merlin immediately relaxed. _What is she doing that I wasn't?_ Arthur wondered exasperatedly. "Freya." Merlin practically breathed her name. "Can we stay for a while Freya?" _Who is Freya?_ Arthur wondered. Merlin never spoke of her, so why  
was this his comfort in this terrible time? _This Freya must be important to him,_ Arthur thought, _but why did he never tell me about her?_ Arthur decided to let it drop for now and add it to the list of things to ask Merlin when he was  
better. Merlin nuzzled against Gwen's arm as she hummed "I'm so sorry, Freya. I'm sorry I failed you. I failed you." _Who is Freya?_

 ** _A/N:_** So? What did you think? I thought about leaving Freya out of it but I couldn't help myself. The plot bunnies attacked and it just kind of happened. Please review and leave any  
suggestions or comments. Tell me what you think I should do with it. To be honest there are at least ten different possibilities in my head for the next chapter so I'm open to any ideas. Thanks so much and I hope you enjoyed!


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N:_** Hi guys. So from now on I'll probably update at least 2 times a week but I don't know when in the week. I know I write a lot faster than some, but my life hasn't been that busy lately. Anyways I just wanted to let you guys know. Let me know what you think about this chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 8

 _"Freya." Merlin practically breathed her name. "Can we stay for a while Freya?"_ Who is Freya? _Arthur wondered. Merlin never spoke of her, so why was this his comfort in this terrible time?_ This Freya must be important to him, _Arthur thought,_ but why did he never tell me about her? _Arthur decided to let it drop for now and add it to the list of things to ask Merlin when he was better. Merlin nuzzled against Gwen's arm as she hummed "I'm so sorry, Freya. I'm sorry I failed you. I failed you."_ Who is Freya?

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Gwen laid his head back on the pillow and made sure none of his stitches had been undone. When she was done checking him over, she could tell Arthur's chest was bothering him. He was worried about Merlin, but she knew there was no way he had the bandages changed for at least a day. "Let me see" Gwen said and she gave Arthur what she hoped looked like Gaius' famous eyebrow raise. Arthur chuckled and took his shirt off to reveal yellow bandages "Arthur…" Gwen gasped. She didn't know how he was still awake. The wound was infected, again, it had started to crust over with dried puss and fresh blood. "Come here, let's get you cleaned up." Gwen got to work on his wound and did her best to wrap it again. She couldn't give him anything to fight off the infection right now, but when Gaius got back he'd have something he could give the king.

Arthur stared at Gwen while she was working on wrapping his wound "Do you know who Freya is?"

Gwen shook her head sadly "No. When I hum and stroke his hair though, it seems to calm him. He thinks I'm some girl. I tried to ask Gaius about it but he said it wasn't his secret to tell. I just wish Merlin didn't have so many secrets."

Arthur frowned "What do you mean?"

Gwen sighed "He's always sneaking about the castle, and while I've been tending to him I've seen so many scars that were not from Morgana. Some were as old as 10 years. Again Gaius said we'd have to ask Merlin when he woke up, but that could take a while for us to get real answers." Gwen wished she didn't have to hide so much from Arthur either, but she respected Merlin's wishes and said nothing. She kept his secrets.

Merlin moaned across the room "Where-No! Morgana! Please, please Morgana! Hurting me won't do anything for you! Hurting me won't hurt Arthur. Arthur doesn't care about me. He left me here to die." The screams started again "No! No!" Merlin was clutching his right shoulder with his left hand. Merlin was starting to lose his voice from all of the screaming and Arthur couldn't take it. He couldn't take seeing his friend in so much pain after Arthur was just starting to think it would get better soon.

Arthur just stared as Guinevere calmed him down again. "Shh. It's alright Merlin. I'm here. It's Freya. It's alright. Everything will be okay, you're safe now." Gwen kept her head low, trying to hide the tears. She just wanted her friend to get better.

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Arthur didn't even know what to think about what Merlin said. Was that really what he thought or was it the fever combined with the nightmares and torture? Arthur didn't want that to be what Merlin thought of him. He only wanted to help him, and he would never have left him to die by Morgana's hand. Merlin meant too much to him. _No._ Arthur scolded himself. _You will not cry for a servant._ Arthur could hear his father's voice in the back of his head _He's just a servant nothing more._ He could soon hear his own voice _No man is worth your tears_. Arthur couldn't believe he had said that. He corrected himself _A friend is worth my tears…Merlin is worth my tears; Merlin is my friend, my best friend and I can't bear to lose him. I don't know where I would be without him._ Arthur got up as he felt the hot tears well up in his eyes. He pushed the door open as he ran out of the physician's chambers. He just ran. He didn't know where he was going, but just ran. He couldn't see Merlin die. He couldn't see his best friend leave him. Merlin couldn't leave him. He wouldn't leave him. Arthur wouldn't let him die.

"Arthur?" A tentative voice calls from within the shadows. Arthur ran to the only spot that gave him comfort. He was in one of the towers. It was very tall and he could see almost the entire city from here. He knew he couldn't control everything that went on in the city but at least from here he could see everything that was going on. He could see everything, and that comforted him. He could see and he wasn't in the dark. He knew what was going to happen when it was going to happen. It was predictable. Merlin's condition was not.

Arthur didn't respond to the voice. He just sat, staring out into the city.

The voice showed its face "Arthur?" The voice is more angry now. Why was it angry at Arthur? "Why aren't you with Merlin? You were supposed to watch him while Gaius was gone today. You already left him once. Don't do it again." Gwaine turned away from Arthur with his arms crossed, even though his shoulder was still healing a bit and he needed crutches for his leg. He tried to stand tall but had to sit down.

Arthur's shoulders sagged even more. "I've been a terrible friend. I don't deserve it. Any of it. I don't deserve Merlin." Arthur put his head in his hands. He was mostly talking to himself, not quite aware yet that Gwaine was present. Usually this would be seen as a weakness, to show emotion in front of your knights. He would never show this in front of Merlin. Nobody could know that he had such feelings for his manservant.

Gwaine rolled his eyes "Finally we agree on something." Gwaine looked at Arthur and saw how depressed he looked. His back was turned to Gwaine so he couldn't see his eyes soften "Look, princess. Merlin needs you. He needs his friends. We all have to be there for him. Especially you. I still don't understand why you didn't take him when we got out the first time, princess, and I'll only forgive you for that when Merlin does, but right now you need to be with him. You need to show him that even though you left him once, it won't happen again." After Gwaine's speech was over, Gwaine took his crutches and started to hobble down the stairs.

Arthur was left speechless. He knew Gwaine was right but he didn't want to see Merlin right now. Every time he looked at him he wondered what he would be like if Arthur had never met Merlin. Every time he looked at Merlin, Arthur felt all of the guilt come crashing down on him. It was like he was in a sea of it and he couldn't swim. Arthur decided that a good night's rest was all he needed so he walked slowly to his room. Wondering how Merlin was feeling.

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Merlin woke up to see Gwen stroking his forehead with a wet rag. She ran her fingers through his hair and hummed.

"Gwen?" Merlin felt like he had been run over by a stampede of war horses "Where's Arthur?"

Gwen looked surprised to see him awake but answered sadly "I don't know. He kind of just ran out of here after one of your panic attacks. I don't know where he went but hasn't come back."

Merlin nodded in recognition. Merlin knew Arthur thought nobody knew about his hiding place but Merlin knew. He had known for a while. He went up there when his father died, when he banished Gwen, when Morgana took Gwen in the darkling tower. Those were all extreme cases. Merlin just supposed he went up there to clear his head. Merlin had his own hiding places, so he understood. You just needed somewhere to get away from everything. Sometimes life just gave you more than you could handle.

Merlin closed his eyes again, and Gwen assumed he had fallen asleep again. "We just need to give him time. He's got a lot to deal with. I can't imagine seeing someone run through right in front of you. Not that he cared anyways. He didn't even try to stop her." Merlin's eyes had opened now and he was tearing up. Arthur was his best friend. Or so he thought. He didn't even attempt to help him. He had forgotten about Merlin for days before he came back. _No._ Merlin told himself. _He would never do that. Something must have held him back. He had to have a reason for leaving me there. Leaving me at her mercy._ Merlin snapped back to reality when Gwen started talking to Merlin.

"Arthur does care Merlin. He might not want to show it, but he does care." She looked at the floor. It almost sounded like she was trying to convince herself that he cared. "He'll come around."

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The next week went by in a flash. Arthur stopped by to see Merlin every day. He would make sure he was asleep first, and that they were alone, but he would go to see him. Arthur could tell him everything when Merlin was asleep. It was so much easier that way. He didn't have to stare into Merlin's big brown eyes that were filled with so much pain and…disappointment. He didn't want to have to face him yet, but he was getting closer.

Merlin was still in so much pain. It would take him a long time to recover, and even then he might not be the same Merlin. Mentally and physically Morgana had tortured him. Merlin, with time, could overcome the mental torture, but the physical would have effects on Merlin the rest of his life, or so Gaius said. Merlin had tried a few healing spells but they were so draining in his current state that Gaius had to hide Merlin's book from him. He told him he could have it back when he was feeling better. Merlin tried to believe that things could be the same, but the truth was Morgana had broken something inside of Merlin that week. Merlin wasn't totally Merlin anymore. Merlin didn't care if his shoulder would always be throbbing or if his stomach would always be on fire, but he couldn't bear the thought of his friends leaving him. He couldn't bear to think that they would leave him to die with Morgana. Especially Arthur. Merlin had never wanted credit for what he did for Arthur, the only thing he wanted was to be accepted, totally. Merlin knew that Arthur didn't know about his magic and maybe he never would but he knew that Arthur viewed him as more than a servant, or at least he hoped so. Arthur wasn't one for a lot of "girly" talk, but he never even said thank you. He never said that he was grateful for Merlin. Merlin felt like his world had been split in two. Everything was perfect until Morgana made him take a step back and see reality.

Most days Merlin never saw Arthur come in, but Gaius assured him that he came faithfully every day. Merlin assumed he didn't. He thought Arthur didn't care enough to see him when he was awake. Merlin knew Arthur had questions but Merlin thought Arthur didn't even care enough to have them answered. Merlin assumed he had gotten rough answers from other people like Gwen or Gaius. Merlin couldn't stand the thought of Arthur assuming things about Merlin. He didn't like that he was so in the dark about Arthur right now. He needed to talk to Arthur. He needed him not to interrupt, not to say anything, just to let Merlin talk. Merlin needed that right now. He was doubting himself and Arthur and he just wanted things to go back to normal, or at least whatever normal would be from now on.

 _ **A/N:**_ So what did you think? I didn't really like it but I'm my own worst critic. In the next chapter I'm going to have Merlin and Arthur talk about things, and I'm thinking about maybe bringing Morgana back later and making this a reveal fic. I don't know if I really want to do that. I do but I don't. I'm torn. Give me your opinion. What do you think I should do? Should I make it a reveal fic or not? Should I bring Morgana back or not? Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N:**_ Hello all! Here is the next chapter! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. The reviews especially mean a lot. I am satisfied with this chapter but I realize it's not my best. Anyways I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 9

 _Previously_

 _He needed to talk to Arthur. He needed him not to interrupt, not to say anything, just to let Merlin talk. Merlin needed that right now. He was doubting himself and Arthur and he just wanted things to go back to normal, or at least whatever normal would be from now on._

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Merlin moaned in his sleep "Arthur…Arthur…"soon his moans became yells and the yells became screams. He eventually woke himself up. Gaius had gone out that morning to do his rounds and Gwen was in the kitchens helping to prepare some food. Merlin realized when he woke up that he needed to speak to Arthur. He yelled to some guards down the hall. It took a good ten minutes, but eventually someone came and Merlin asked them to fetch Arthur. Merlin had just woken up, but it was at least a half hour since he had woken up when Arthur burst into Gaius' chambers eyes wide with worry.

"What's wrong with Merl..." Arthur stopped himself when he saw Merlin propped up on a few pillows and Gaius was nowhere to be found. "What is this Merlin? You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Arthur had his hands on his head and was trying to control his breathing. "I thought…I thought you were…you were…It was happening all over again. I can't believe you would do this to me!" Arthur sat down on Gaius' workbench and got his breathing under control. He sighed in resignation "What is it you wanted me for Merlin?"

"I just…" Merlin thought about it. He wanted Arthur to be ready to talk to him, and he was clearly busy and annoyed right now, so Merlin didn't think it was the best time to talk. "Never mind." Merlin hung his head in disappointment and mumbled "You're clearly busy and I don't want to bother you. I shouldn't have asked. Never mind." Merlin blushed and his cheeks turned to a fiery red but Arthur was none the wiser.

Arthur thought he knew what this was about. Merlin was starting to get better and now that he was conscious for long periods of time he would take the opportunity to discuss…things. But Arthur didn't want to do that right now. He wasn't ready. He was telling the truth when he said he had imagined…it…again. It was all flooding back into his memory when he had just managed to suppress it. He was also truthful when he said Merlin had nearly given him a heart attack, but it wasn't for the reason Merlin was probably thinking of.

Merlin didn't know what he was thinking! Why on earth would he call Arthur down to his chambers and just tell him 'Hey! I've got magic! I've been lying to you all these years and I hope we can still be friends! _If we even were in the first place._

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice snapped Merlin back to reality and Merlin looked up to see Arthur looking at him with a soft smile "I'll come back in a bit to…you know…check up on you, or something." Arthur turned to leave and Merlin smiled in return, but it didn't reach his eyes. Arthur could see the pain of holding back whatever it was Merlin wanted to tell him and Arthur just wanted to ask him what it was. He thought about it, but he decided to save it for later.

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Arthur strode out of the physician's quarters and down the hall to a round table meeting. He couldn't help but be distracted by his thoughts about Merlin. He was so confused. What did Merlin have to hide from him? _More than you thought, apparently._ Arthur raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side in admittance. _This girl Freya, and his doubts about you and the knights, and now whatever he wanted to tell you there. Merlin has a lot more secrets than you'd like to admit._ Arthur told himself. "No. Merlin must have kept these secrets for a reason. I already know about him doubting the knights. That was Morgana." Arthur furrowed his brow, trying to convince himself. He gave up and walking into the meeting.

Taxes were so boring. All Arthur really did was nod his head, give the go ahead and he was done. In a sense it was one of the easiest things he had to do because he had advisers that could do most of the work for him and he pretty much just approved everything. Half the time he didn't even know what he was approving but he couldn't stop thinking about Merlin. So many things he didn't know about his manservant. Merlin was the one person he thought he could trust. He thought he knew him better than anyone, and now…Arthur felt as if he had never met this Merlin. The Merlin lying in Gaius' chambers was a completely different Merlin than he had been privy to all these years.

After the meeting was over, Arthur bumped into Gwen in the hall. The serving girl was carrying a bucket of water, and a fresh rag, no doubt for Merlin.

Gwen blushed when she almost spilled water all over the king "Arthur! I'm so sorry I didn't even see you there." Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her nose was stuffy and she sounded congested. Her beautiful brown eyes were looking up into Arthur's and Arthur felt badly for her when a thought hit him. Did she know about Merlin's secrets and if she did why hadn't she told him? _They weren't hers to tell, idiot._ He reprimanded himself. Of course she wouldn't give them away if Merlin had asked her not to. Or even if he hadn't. "Do you want to come see Merlin? I'm headed to Gaius' chambers. He's awake again and I think he'd probably like to see you." Gwen suggested but kept her head low.

Arthur felt _really_ bad now. Of course he wanted to see Merlin, but then he didn't want to confront him right now. It wouldn't be fair to Merlin. Of course he wanted to talk to him right now but Arthur was too afraid of what he would say or do in front of Merlin, his best friend. But Arthur realized again that Merlin didn't see Arthur as his best friend. "No." Arthur replied. Short and sweet was the saying.

Gwen looked puzzled "Why not?"

Arthur hadn't expected this "Well…I just…" Arthur stammered, trying to think of a reason until he gave up "I don't feel like I know him anymore, or at least I feel as though he's hidden an entire part of him from me. What I don't know is _why_? I just don't understand. You know I see him as more than a servant? I-"

Gwen interrupted "But have you given him any reason to believe that?" She raised her eyebrows, making her point clear.

Arthur thought about it "Well…I…I um…" Arthur couldn't think of one.

Gwen spoke again "I thought not. Have you ever said thank you? Have you ever once admitted to him what he means to you?"

Arthur protested "I think I would-"

"No." She pointed "I've heard you speaking to him, begging to get better, that you would be lost without him. If you want him to understand then all you have to do is _tell him_." Gwen relaxed again, her shoulders slumping and her hands returning to her sides.

"He doesn't see it that way." Arthur said softly, almost soft enough that Gwen couldn't even hear him.

"What?"

"He doesn't see us as friends. He didn't think I cared, when I cared about him more than anything in the world, but he doesn't see it that way." Arthur's voice started to crack and he had tears in his eyes. Tears that burned, and threatened to spill over, but Arthur did not want to be seen crying for his servant. He was just a servant, nothing more. If Merlin saw Arthur as nothing more than his master, then why should Arthur see Merlin as anything more than a servant? _Because he's Merlin, idiot. And no matter how much you want to get rid of it, you can't throw away your friendship._ The little voice in Arthur's mind had started to become quieter, until it screamed at him.

"Arthur, Merlin is your friend-"

Arthur got angry at this. "Then explain the lies Guinevere. Explain the lies and the secrets. Why would he hide things from his friends? If we were truly his friends he would have told us about these things."

Gwen had a look of shock plastered on her face "What lies? What secrets? Merlin doesn't have any. He couldn't keep a secret to save his life!" Gwen chuckled at the thought of Merlin having huge secrets that he kept from everybody.

Arthur sighed "I want to speak with him."

Gwen didn't know if this was good or bad, but he was the king. If he wanted to speak to his servant, he would speak to his servant.

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When Arthur stormed into the physician's chambers, Gaius started to protest but then decided against it. Merlin was healing well and if he used a bit of Magic he would make a full recovery. Gaius didn't like the thought of eavesdropping on whatever the two of them would be discussing so he ushered Gwen out of the room and they went to the kitchens to wait.

Merlin was awake already, and he was expecting Arthur at any moment. He could imagine that he would be hurt and maybe angry at Merlin, but he seemed too angry for the things Merlin could have imagined he said in his sleep or delirium.

Merlin knew what Arthur would ask about first. He only didn't want to answer the questions. He didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't proud of it but Morgana made it so believable.

Arthur didn't know where to start. He knew what he wanted to talk about but how to bring it up. Arthur began "Have I not been a good friend?" Arthur wondered. "I know I insult you and throw things at you but it's just a joke. It's just a bit of fun. We're friends, right?"

Merlin looked taken aback "Well-I-yes. I suppose." He shrugged.

Arthur pointed "That's what I'm talking about! What was that?" Arthur couldn't take it "Why did you think I would leave you to Morgana?" He said the last bit a little more gently, but not by much. He was angry at Merlin, and sad to think about what it must have been like. "Why would you EVER think you're not worth saving?"

The five words that Merlin said next, Arthur would have never imagined to come out of his manservant before this all happened "I am just your servant." Merlin looked at his hands in his lap. He didn't want to look Arthur in the eye. He was afraid that if he did it would all come spilling out. He didn't want to see the hurt that lay there in his _friend's_ eyes. He was afraid that he would say everything about his magic. Merlin was afraid to expose himself. Even with his _best friend_ he couldn't be himself.

Merlin could hear Arthur get up, and noticed his footsteps getting farther and farther apart as he neared the patient's bed. "No. Merlin." Arthur smiled at him. "You're my friend." Arthur thought about it. "My _best_ friend."

Merlin felt a hot tear run down his cheek as he looked up at Arthur and said softly "Thank you, Arthur. I'm sorry for doubting you. Morgana just-she-I couldn't..." Merlin felt more tears rushing down his face.

Arthur smiled back and put a hand on Merlin's shoulder "I understand." They sat in silence for a long time before either spoke. "I would like to know one other thing."

Merlin nodded "What is it?"

Arthur just had to ask "Who's Freya?"

The memory alone caused Merlin to tear up. Freya was his first love and his only love as far as he was concerned. Merlin believed he would never love again after Freya. Merlin got choked up when Arthur said her name. He was gentle but also questioning. He wanted the truth and wasn't one to beat around the bush.

"Freya was…" Merlin cleared his throat and began again "Freya was my first love." A tear spilled down the side of Merlin's face as he continued "She was cursed, so she could not stay in Camelot under your father's rule. We had planned to go away together. We planned to run away to a lake, we were going to live life together and never leave each other's side." Merlin held it in but his bottom lip was still quivering. He was on the brink of sobbing but couldn't do that in front of Arthur.

Arthur frowned "You keep saying 'was'" He furrowed his brow even more, if that was possible "What happened to her?"

Merlin's face contorted in pain"You kill…you um…she die…" Merlin took a deep breath. He didn't know how to tell Arthur that he had killed his one true love. He took another deep breath and just said it. Arthur had a sinking feeling he knew what Merlin was going to say.

Merlin couldn't keep it in any longer. "You killed her." He said with a sob. He gathered himself quickly and continued, ignoring Arthur's gasp. "You saw her as a monster. She was cursed to kill every night. At midnight she would turn into a beautiful beast. She was amazing but you saw her only as a threat. Your father ordered you to kill her, but you didn't protest." Merlin took a few more breaths, making sure he wouldn't burst again "One night she was in the courtyard looking for a victim" Merlin cringed when he said the word 'victim' because he knew that she was cursed, she couldn't help herself, it wasn't her fault, "and you struck a mortal blow. I rode out with her to the lake she told me of. She died in my arms and is now buried there." Merlin finally let the quiet sobs take over. He hung his head, hugging himself with his shoulders shaking up and down to the rhythm of his hitched breathing.

Recognition dawned on Arthur "She was the druid girl. The bounty hunter had caught her and she escaped…"

Merlin nodded "Yes, I helped her escape. She looked so vulnerable and she needed help. I didn't know what the bounty hunter was going to do to her or had done, so I had to help her. To be honest I don't even remember how I got her out." Lie "I just remember leading her to a hiding place. I told her she would be safe there, and she was, but I couldn't keep her safe forever. The curse made her turn and then she would go out. I didn't know at first, but then she told me about that and her magic." Merlin sighed "I knew that if we tried to escape right away she would be caught, and if we tried to escape at night she was afraid of killing me."

Arthur frowned again. One piece of this wasn't making sense. "If she was a druid, then why didn't she escape the bounty hunter using magic?"

Tears streamed down Merlin's face and his voice cracked "Freya thought that…she believed him. She believed the bounty hunter when he said she was a monster. Freya believed him when he told her she didn't belong, when he told her she didn't deserve to be alive. She thought she deserved the beatings and the ridicule. She didn't realize how beautiful she was or how special and amazing she was."

Arthur wasn't sure what to say. Merlin loved this girl-this druid, but Arthur had always been taught to hate magic. He was always taught that it was evil and therefore anyone who had it was, but this girl did not seem evil. She seemed kind and scared of herself and what people would do to her. She didn't even try to escape for goodness' sake! She thought she deserved it. Maybe magic wasn't evil after all. This girl didn't _choose_ this curse; someone cast it on her.

Merlin spoke softly. It was as if he could read Arthur's mind "She didn't choose to be cursed Arthur. Freya would never have chosen something like that. Who would? Who would choose to be evil? It only brings a life of pain and misery."

Arthur needed time to think about this. "Thank you Merlin. I'm sorry that I brought up such a painful memory. Thank you for telling me this." Arthur and Merlin looked at the door when a guard burst in saying that a patrol had been attacked. Arthur cursed under his breath and whispered "Morgana" Arthur looked up at the guard and told him to make sure all the knights were ready. Morgana was coming.

 _ **A/N:**_ I hope you enjoyed! I'm not sure how many chapters left, but to be honest I don't think it would go past 15 chapters total. I don't even know if it will get that far. I've decided to bring Morgana back, as you just read, because I think I will make this a reveal fic. Hopefully the next few chapters will be better than the last few. Thanks for reading and reviewing! It only takes a few minutes to review so don't be shy ;) I hope you enjoyed!


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N:**_ Okay so it feels like it's been weeks since my last update, even though I know it's only been a few days. Still I had a hard time with this chapter. I was having major writer's block issues as I'm sure many of you can relate to. Either way here it is and I hope that it's not too terrible ;)

Chapter 10

 _Previously_

 _Arthur and Merlin looked at the door when a guard burst in saying that a patrol had been attacked. Arthur cursed under his breath and whispered "Morgana" Arthur looked up at the guards and told him to make sure all the knights were ready. Morgana was coming._

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Arthur looked at Merlin "Merlin I've got to-I'll just be-I'll be right-I have to-" Arthur got increasingly frustrated as he continued to try to convey why he had to leave Merlin.

Merlin smiled "Arthur" Arthur looked up and Merlin with his eyes sad that he couldn't continue to talk with Merlin and be with him, but Arthur could see that Merlin understood. "Go. I'll be right here when you return. Obviously I'm not going anywhere." Merlin tried to reassure Arthur but he was also making a joke as he gestured to his injured body.

Arthur nodded in agreement and smiled sadly before darting out of the room and towards the council.

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Everyone in the city was in disarray. They had heard of the patrol being attacked and since that was a day ago, and they were only just now getting this information, they had no idea when Morgana would be upon them. The stress of the city was visible from the castle, and it took its toll on Arthur and the council members. Arthur was worried for his people and he was worried for the city. They had little time to prepare and Arthur didn't know things would work out. Morgana had come at least close to defeating Camelot every time she had attacked, and a few times she had nearly taken the citadel. Arthur knew that since he didn't know where she was now, or how many men she had with her, he felt useless. He felt as though he could do nothing but wait for her to attack.

"Sire?" Leon put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. The concern in his voice and eyes was visible and it brought comfort to Arthur. "You've done all you can. She took the patrol by surprise and it didn't seem as though she had been planning anything. You had no way of knowing..."

Arthur shook his head "I should have known. I should have known when we escaped her in the forest that she would come back after us. She has had the advantage Leon. We don't know much about where she is, we don't know anything about her men, or how many men she has with her, or at her 'fortress', whereas she has even _lived_ in Camelot before. She knows these walls like the back of her hand, and she knows many ways into Camelot that I'm sure I have never known. She grew up here and so did I, but I never tried to escape. She didn't want to be here at first, Leon. She didn't want to be here so she would try to escape. Father would find her out in the forest and nobody would know how she got there. She could teleport into this room right now and I would have no warning. She has the upper hand and it _hate it_. I hate being in the dark." Arthur sighed. "But I suppose you're right. There's nothing more I can do now. I just hope that what we've done is enough."

Leon gave a reassuring squeeze on Arthur's shoulder "It will be, sire. It will be."

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Arthur was afraid. Although he wouldn't admit it to a single living soul, he was afraid. Arthur knew that Morgana would strike, but he was no fool. She would wait, bide her time until Arthur grew lenient or made a mistake somewhere. The patrol attack was just a warning. He knew she would never attack while they were ready. Arthur was still very afraid though. Despite having a _very_ vague idea of when she would attack, Arthur was afraid because he didn't _know_. He was guessing, and this was never reliable. He had to _know_ for the people, so they could be ready, so they could be prepared.

This wasn't the only reason Arthur was nervous. He was nervous because this was what happened when they got captured. Arthur couldn't protect the one person with him. He couldn't protect the one person who was loyal to him above everyone else. Arthur couldn't protect Merlin. They same was true, even here in Camelot. Arthur knew that Merlin would be safe as long as Morgana didn't come to Camelot, but that was inevitable. Arthur knew it would happen; it was just a matter of time. Arthur was nervous that Merlin still hadn't recovered. He knew it would take a long time for him to recover physically _and mentally_. Arthur also knew that if Merlin didn't trust Arthur to protect him, he would refuse his protection and Merlin could end up hurt or worse. Arthur couldn't bear to see his friend dead because of a mistake he made. Merlin was beginning to trust him again, but he had said so himself; it wouldn't happen overnight. Arthur was nervous and everyone could feel it. He, and everyone else in the kingdom, was constantly looking over their shoulders and making sure they were on their toes and prepared for anything. They didn't want to be caught unawares.

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Merlin was nervous. He could tell Arthur was nervous, and this made Merlin nervous. Merlin had asked Arthur not to keep any secrets about Morgana and any plans she had made, from Merlin, but Merlin also knew that nobody had any idea when or where she would attack. Well, they pretty much knew she would attack the city, but they couldn't be sure where she would come from or when. Everyone was nervous because it was like being ambushed by bandits. You almost never saw them coming, or if you did, it was too late. Arthur had told Merlin that he thought Morgana would wait a week or two to attack, but Merlin knew Arthur was hiding something from him. He knew he was telling him everything he knew about Morgana's plans or any inklings he had, but there was something else that Arthur wasn't telling Merlin. Merlin could see how nervous he was, because every time he would come to visit, he would pace, back and forth and it almost drove Merlin crazy. Merlin understood that he was king and all, but there was nothing more he could do. He prepared his knights to the best of his abilities and he made other preparations for a siege. Merlin could only assume he was worried about the people and the devastation that Morgana would bring upon the city. Merlin had no idea that most of Arthur's anxiety was because of Merlin and his current condition.

Merlin was improving physically, but Gaius had said that there was a chance that he would never be able to have full function of his right arm again. He was hopeful but there was a very small chance that Merlin would fully recover. Gaius had said it was a miracle that Merlin had survived the stab wound, until he explained Morgana and the healing spells involved. Still, Gaius had a hard time convincing himself that Merlin shouldn't have died. He had an especially difficult time convincing the king that Merlin _should_ have survived. Gaius had to bring up some medical terms that the kind obviously didn't know the meaning of and that had nothing to do with Merlin's condition whatsoever, to make it even slightly believable. Long story short, Merlin was lucky to be alive. Gaius wasn't sure that with Morgana coming, if Merlin could handle that mentally. Morgana had tortured him, and Gaius didn't know how this would affect him initially. Initially Merlin was a bit scared and angry, but those emotions were temporary. Merlin had calmness about him, it seemed and Gaius didn't know if this was a façade or if it was real. He didn't know what to believe. Merlin had gotten so good at hiding things over the course of his entire life that even his best friends didn't know his biggest secrets, so keeping his emotions from people was pretty easy comparatively.

Merlin was only calm because he wanted people to stop worrying about him. Arthur still didn't know about his magic so whenever he was alone or at least alone with Gaius, he could attempt some healing spells. Gaius said that they were working, but they were only speeding up the healing process right now. It was too early to say what affect it might have later. Gaius didn't know if Merlin could heal himself fully or not. Healing was never Merlin's strong suit, but he would need it to be in the days coming. In more ways than one.

 _ **A/N:**_ So how was it? Not too bad I hope. I hope the ending wasn't too blunt, but I felt like that chapter just needed to end and I could clear up a few more things in the next chapter and add some new things as well. So tell me what you thought, any suggestions and any comments. Thanks so much for reading. I've already got chapter 11 started so that should be up sometime in the next few days. Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting. It means a lot and I'm glad to see you all are liking it.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N:**_ Hi guys! Thanks for being so patient! I am so glad that all of you are following and thank you for the reviews last chapter. The plot bunnies attacked me. Their teeth are quite sharp and therefore they convinced me to go a different way with this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I know that last chapter was a bit boring so I gave this one a bit more action. Not too much but enough that you'll want more...;) Enjoy and please review!

Chapter 11

 _Previously_

 _Healing was never Merlin's strong suit, but he would need it to be in the days coming. In more ways than one._

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Arthur gaped at Merlin in shock. He could not believe what he was seeing. Merlin had a lot of explaining to do.

Arthur couldn't believe that _Merlin_ had magic. He had lied to him all these years. Merlin was a traitor to Camelot. _Merlin is your friend, Arthur. He's been loyal to you all these years. If he wanted to kill you, he would have done it already._ Arthur was so confused. None of it made sense. Why wouldn't he have killed Arthur yet? Why? Why would Merlin come to Camelot and practice magic? One of the only kingdoms that has banned magic and Merlin decided to come here? It didn't make one bit of sense. Although, it didn't have to make sense. Merlin was a traitor. He betrayed Arthur. Arthur could no longer trust Merlin-anybody. He put his faith in a _servant_. _You're such a fool, Arthur. You made it so easy for him._ Arthur reprimanded himself. He would never get close anyone, especially not a servant. They were low and they should obey Arthur. No wonder he didn't respect you. Only when you doubted him did he ever say anything of value or respect. Arthur just didn't understand.

"Arthur? Arthur please, you must understand."

Understand what? Merlin had betrayed him. That was all that mattered now. He was a traitor and he had to pay for his crimes.

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Merlin didn't want it to come out this way. He wanted to tell Arthur on a sunny day when Arthur was in a good mood. Not when he was in a battle, stressed out, and already upset at Merlin for being out of bed. Merlin would not have chosen to be out of bed but he had to protect Arthur. Merlin was still very weak, but his magic was what was keeping him up. He really didn't want this to be how Arthur found out, but if it had to be done, it had to be done. Merlin just hoped that he could rely on Arthur's friendship to be as strong as Arthur claimed it was, or had been.

Merlin was mostly afraid of Arthur. He was afraid of how Arthur would react. The only request he would have is that Arthur not kill him. He didn't want _Arthur_ to be the one to kill him. He knew that he would probably have Merlin burnt at the stake, but he didn't want Arthur to have to watch that. He didn't want Arthur to be there. He knew that if he saw Merlin burning, he would never forgive himself, and Merlin wanted him to be firm in his decision, whatever it may be, even if that made Arthur's view of Merlin twisted from reality. Merlin didn't even want to put Arthur in that sort of position. He was keeping his magic from Arthur for self-preservation but also because he didn't want Arthur to have to make the decision of killing his best friend. Merlin knew that Arthur would be torn between the law and his friendship with Merlin, although Merlin didn't know if the latter would even exist.

Merlin walked out of his chambers and out to the balcony overlooking the courtyard. Merlin saw Arthur and Morgana at a stand-off. Merlin knew this would not end well and he needed to act fast. He also needed to be wary of Arthur. Arthur had his back to Merlin but Morgana saw him and smiled evilly. She looked back at Arthur sadly, but only for a moment. Nobody else saw the sad gleam in Morgana's eye, but Merlin supposed it was because he was the only one who understood her. Nobody else could understand better than Merlin what it was like to be cast aside, to have to hide who you are because everyone else thought you were a freak, a _monster_.

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(flashback)

Merlin was out in the woods with Will. Merlin was making the leaves blow in the wind. He made a funnel and he made them move with his hands. His magic was flowing freely and they didn't think anyone could see him. Nobody except Will. Will was the only person who accepted Merlin for who he was-what he was. Merlin had always been told by others that he was a freak and a monster and that he didn't belong, that he didn't deserve to live. He was a monster, a freak. Monster. Freak. Those words resounded in Merlin's mind after a while and he suddenly stopped the leaves.

Merlin looked over to Will sadly with his head hung low, and mumbled "We should go now."

Will opened his mouth to protest when a larger boy followed by others his size and age, walked out from behind some trees and bushes "I don't think so. You're not leaving until I've said my piece." The boy glared at Merlin. This boy constantly terrorized Merlin since he came to Ealdor. Merlin didn't think the boy knew about his magic, but he had been wrong about that a lot before.

Merlin was only 10 when he came to Ealdor but he had traveled a lot as a child because of his magic. As soon as someone figured it out, he and his mother would have to move. Merlin wasn't an idiot, despite what others said, and he knew that the reasons his mother gave for moving were lies. He knew that it was because of him. When Will had found out and accepted him for it, Merlin was ecstatic. Merlin could only hope that with time Arthur would learn to accept Merlin as well.

The large boy and his cronies took a few more steps toward Merlin, pinning him against a large tree. There was no way out of this for Merlin. The boy spat in his face, called him names "Freak!" The boy screamed it. They were far enough away that nobody could hear them. Merlin had to make sure that if there was any sound to go along with the magic that nobody could hear. _Well that plan backfired_ , Merlin thought to himself. Merlin didn't want to be beat up but he started to believe their words so he let them. He thought he _deserved_ it.

Merlin could faintly hear Will squirming and screaming for them to stop. He had tears trickling down his face "He didn't do anything wrong! We were just having a bit of fun!" This effectively drew the bullies' attention away from Merlin and his stone cold glare landed on Will.

"How could you accept this…this… _thing? This MONSTER, this FREAK?_ " The boy shook his head and wrinkled his nose as though he smelled a rotten egg. He looked back to Merlin "Nobody loves you, nobody _should_ love you, you don't even deserve to live! But I'll keep you as a lesson that your kind don't belong here, and never will." He turned on his heel and left, followed by his pack of laughing idiots behind him.

Merlin got up and ran. No matter how much it hurt, he ran. He had weapons with him that his mother had given him, but he hadn't fought back. He hadn't wanted to hurt them. Merlin knew they were wrong but it was easy to accept what they said was true, so he did. Merlin thought he was a freak, a monster, a nobody. He didn't think he belonged. Magic was his life, and if he couldn't use magic then he might as well die. Merlin didn't even know where he was running until he realized he didn't know where he was. He sat down on a rock and cried. He buried his face in his hands as the sobs shook his body.

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Merlin saw Morgana with the sad glint in her eye and knew what this was about. This wasn't about revenge, this was about understanding. She had told him that much, but Merlin didn't understand until now. He saw the glint in her eye, but why would she be sad? She was winning. She had the upper hand. Then Merlin understood. She didn't want Arthur to go through what she did, but it was the only way for him to understand. Merlin had never thought of it that way, but he _did_ understand that way of thinking.

Merlin saw Morgana lunge at Arthur and Merlin muttered a spell under his breath to make her sword extremely hot. He knew this wouldn't stop future attacks but it would stop the imminent threat of her sword in Arthur's gut. Merlin did NOT want Arthur to have to go through that too. It was not pleasant. Merlin shuddered at the memory. "Arthur!" Merlin yelled.

Arthur turned around while Morgana was nursing her burnt hand, cradling it against her stomach. Her eyes flared gold and Merlin flew into the air, along with Arthur and anyone else in the courtyard. Arthur luckily didn't hit his head on anything, so he was perfectly conscious with only a few bruises. Merlin had the same fate, and although Merlin knew it would have hurt, he had secretly hoped Arthur would hit his head so he couldn't see Merlin do his magic. He had almost counted on it. Arthur had fallen unconscious so many times before when Merlin had to do magic around him that Merlin assumed it would happen. Unfortunately Merlin _had_ assumed this would happen, so he had already begun incanting the spell. Morgana stood in shock that _Merlin,_ of all people, had magic.

Arthur didn't know what to think. Everything he thought he knew about Merlin was a lie. Merlin had magic? That was impossible. The bumbling idiot of a servant that he had learned to call his friend could not have magic. Arthur refused to acknowledge it. He stood in shock, and disbelief as the thought of Merlin's betrayal crossed his mind. Merlin had betrayed everything Arthur believed. Arthur believed-no he _knew_ that magic was evil and anyone who had it was so. Merlin went against this. Merlin had been nothing but kind, and loyal to Arthur. If he had wanted to kill him or do anything to harm Arthur then he would have done it by now. The gods know that he _could've_. Arthur also couldn't believe that his friend didn't tell him about it.

Arthur could imagine it was out of fear. No. Merlin was _afraid_ of Arthur? Merlin was a coward, yes, but afraid of Arthur? No. Impossible. Arthur was Merlin's friend. A little voice in the back of Arthur's mind reminded him that Merlin had betrayed him and that he had lied to him every day since the moment they met. Merlin had probably enchanted Arthur to become friends with him so that he could get close to Arthur and kill him to make it look like an accident. Arthur shivered at the thought of one of his closest friends turned enemy. His father would've said 'I told you so' and he would have scolded him for getting close to a lowly servant.

 _This is what he must've wanted to tell me when he woke up the other day._ Arthur had run down to Merlin's chambers only to find that Merlin had decided to keep his mouth shut. Arthur thought that he was dying and then Merlin just sent him away. He didn't understand at the time why, but he thought Merlin was just delirious, and he was, thinking that he could just spring something like that on Arthur. Maybe Arthur was just reacting the way he was reacting because of the situation. Maybe if he had time to think things through he would be able to come to terms with...things.

It didn't matter how Arthur was reacting right now because all of this ran through his mind in a matter of seconds and by that time Merlin was finished incanting the spell and Morgana was still standing there shocked by the sight in front of her. Merlin finished the spell and nothing happened. The warlock fainted and Arthur didn't catch him, he was tired and still shocked by what he had just seen Merlin do that his reflexes had slowed, but not enough that he couldn't run Morgana through with his sword. She had tried to cast a spell but nothing happened. Arthur wasted no time in defeating her, once and for all. "It's a shame really. I wanted to believe there was still good in you, but clearly I was wrong." Arthur twisted his blade in her gut and slowly pulled it out. Now Arthur turned to his friend-turned-enemy, lying helpless in front of him. Arthur twirled his sword in his hand and advanced toward the raven-haired man lying on the ground in front of him. It was time to deal with Merlin.

 _ **A/N:**_ I hope you enjoyed that. I want to know what you guys think about making this a character death fic or not. I am thinking not next chapter but it would probably be the chapter afterwards. Anyways, please either review or PM me to tell me what you think. Thanks so much for reading and please review!


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N:**_ Okay so here's the next chapter! I'm on spring break now but I guess that doesn't really matter, because yes, this is the last chapter. I'm so sad that this is coming to an end, but all good things do. Thank you for all of the reviews and all of the support. It means a lot and since this was my first fic I am glad that I had so much positive feedback. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 12

 _Previously_

 _Now Arthur turned to his friend-turned-enemy, lying helpless in front of him. Arthur twirled his sword in his hand and advanced toward the raven-haired man lying on the ground in front of him. It was time to deal with Merlin._

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Arthur slapped Merlin to wake him up. Merlin's eyes shot open and they were wide with fear. _Good._ Arthur thought menacingly. _He knows what I could do to him if he tries anything._ But what could Arthur do really? Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin could be gone in the blink of an eye and he could leave everything behind. He could take the easy route. But Arthur knew Merlin better to know he wouldn't. _Wouldn't he though? You've got a sword in your hand Arthur and it looks as though you're about to kill the man, of course he would be scared. And you didn't really know him. He is a sorcerer. He's evil. He's not your friend, and he never will be. The only solution is to have him burnt at the stake. Banished at the least._ The darker side of Arthur argued with the lighter side that still believed in Merlin as who Arthur knew him to be, not who he assumed.

 _You've got to at least give him a chance though, Arthur. It's only fair._

 _He doesn't_ deserve _a trial. And it really wouldn't be fair, I've already made up my mind._ Arthur lied to himself. He had no idea what he was going to do. He had to choose between the law and his heart. But his heart was torn in two different directions, and the same with his brain. One side with the law and the other with Merlin. Merlin had been babbling this whole time about something, but Arthur had been preoccupied. He was still glaring at Merlin with a deathly stare, no wonder Merlin was stuttering and stammering, trying to explain his actions. This snapped Arthur back to the present.

Arthur wiped his face of any emotion at all, including anger or confusion. "You will have a trial in 3 days. Until then, you will stay in the dungeons on a prisoner's rations. No one will be allowed to see you except to bring you food and water-" Merlin began to protest, but Arthur stared him down and threateningly he said "Be thankful that I am giving you a chance to explain yourself, but don't get your hopes up." Arthur paused, not sure if he wanted to say anything else, or if he would end up just feeling badly for his ex-friend.

Merlin got up on wobbly legs and didn't say a word. He didn't protest as Arthur called the guards, he didn't resist them; he didn't even use his magic to try to escape. He simply sat in his cell for three days awaiting his judgment.

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Arthur was dumbfounded. Usually there was a struggle from the prisoners, usually they would try to escape or try to plead with Arthur or the guards to let them go, but not Merlin. Merlin had tried none of this. Heck he didn't even use his magic to heal himself. Arthur didn't even know if he _could_ do that. Could Merlin heal himself with magic? Why hadn't he already if he could? _Because of you, idiot._ Arthur was exasperated with himself _He didn't want to you to find out, stupid. That's why. He wanted you to pity him, to think he was weak. This was his plan all along. He thought that if you thought he was weak, and then you would be focused on him and not Morgana, you also wouldn't be thinking that he was the mastermind behind the whole thing. He hadn't told Morgana about his whole plan. Merlin wanted the crown for himself and he needed Morgana as a distraction so that he could take her out later and take the throne for himself._ It made a bit of sense, except for one part. Why hadn't he just killed Arthur later? _To make it look like an accident of course! He needed the people to trust him, but he is not the rightful heir to the throne, so that wouldn't work. How did he expect to rule the kingdom? Why hadn't he attempted this a few years ago?_ Then Arthur remembered how Morgana _had_ become queen a year ago, but only for a few weeks. _That's how she must've known where we were hiding._ Everything made sense now. But what about those times that Merlin was missing in battle and then he came back, clearly exhausted, but not a scratch on him? How about those times? What was he doing then? He couldn't have been working for the enemy, because Arthur and his knights could have never won against sorcery. _But you have before._ Gah! Arthur didn't know what to think. So many different possibilities. He wanted to bring Merlin's trial forward but he had to remain stable and he could not appear anxious or weak in front of his people. He would just have to wait.

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Merlin knew this day would come. He just hoped it would turn out differently. He knew that Arthur would try his best to be fair with Merlin, but there was always the possibility that Arthur didn't believe him and that he would make the decision to kill him. Merlin didn't expect anything less than banishment, to be honest. And he really didn't expect Arthur to care anymore. He didn't expect him to see Merlin as a friend anymore, because Merlin knew that in Arthur's eyes, he was an evil sorcerer who had betrayed his trust for 5 years. Merlin knew that things could never be the same between them. Merlin didn't understand one thing, and it was the only thing that really gave him hope. Sure he had hope that deep down Arthur would understand, but with everything that Arthur had seen, all of the evil magic that Arthur had seen, Merlin didn't know if one man, even his best friend, could change his mind about it.

But what gave Merlin hope was the prophecy. The prophecy, as far as Merlin knew, had not been fulfilled yet. Merlin knew that the prophecy had to be fulfilled in order for his destiny to be complete. Merlin figured he couldn't complete his destiny if he was dead. This is what kept Merlin from going insane in those three days of solitude. They wouldn't even let Gaius down to the dungeons to treat Merlin's wounds. By the time Merlin got back out he had a fever again, but nothing was infected. This made it difficult to walk to the throne room where Arthur was prepared to listen to what Merlin had to say before making his final judgment three days after that. After his trial, Merlin would be allowed visitors, because he didn't know his final judgment yet, but Arthur didn't want anyone else getting caught in Merlin's web of lies before hand. Once Arthur had listened to Merlin he would contemplate what he said and make judgment of death, banishment, or to let Merlin stay in Camelot, but the last was the least likely. But Merlin could still hope.

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When Merlin was hauled out of his cell, shivering and legs weak, he half expected to be led out to the courtyard and have his head chopped off right then and right there, but he knew that no matter who the prisoner was, Arthur would give him a fair trial. Or at least as fair as it could get.

The guards unlocked his cell and they each grabbed an arm and hauled him to his feet. Merlin stumbled and tried to walk but the guards pretty much ended up dragging him up the stairs, which gave him lots of bruises on his knees and shins, but Merlin didn't even notice. His fever made him shiver a lot and he was freezing cold one minute and he felt like he was on fire the next. Merlin tried to look brave and strong when he was guided into the throne room but he utterly and miserably failed. Arthur had the decency to be at least a little concerned for Merlin. He wouldn't have been if he had not seen Merlin's fever, and he was glad that he could at least get some treatment now from Gaius. _You're glad he'll get treatment? How could you be worried for this...this..._ thing _?_ A little voice in the back of Arthur's head did not approve of Arthur's thoughts. Arthur couldn't help feeling a bit worried for him, he had known the man for 5 years and had grown attached in a way. Unfortunately he had to learn to let go of attachments, just like his father had taught him. But he did have to try to give him a fair trial. Speaking of...

Arthur cleared his throat "Merlin of Ealdor, you are charged with the treacherous crime of sorcery. Do you deny this?"

Merlin kept his head hung low, and said in a small voice "No, sire." Nobody mistook it for shame, but for lack of energy. Especially Gaius knew that Merlin was not ashamed of what he was. He had not chosen this. Magic chose him.

Arthur knew that much. He knew Merlin practiced magic, but it would've made things a lot harder if he had answered no. "When did you begin studying magic?"

This time Merlin looked up at Arthur "I never studied magic, sire."

Arthur scoffed "Don't be ridiculous, anyone who wants to practice magic must study it. Everyone knows that. If you did not study magic you could not practice it." It definitely made sense in Arthur's mind, but what Merlin said next Arthur thought impossible.

"I was _born_ with magic sire. I did not choose magic, magic chose me." Merlin stated it as if he had said the grass was green or the sky was blue. Arthur didn't understand and Merlin could see it written on his face, in his creased forehead and in his eyes, which shimmered with misunderstanding.

Arthur regained composure and stated confidently, "That's impossible." He turned to Gaius, becoming unsure of his answer again "Isn't it, Gaius?"

Gaius shrugged. He didn't trust himself to speak, for fear of what he would say or do.

Arthur looked back to Merlin "Assuming what you say is true, why did you come to Camelot?"

"I was unable to control my powers very well, so my mother sent me here to seek guidance. She sent me to live with someone who she believed could help me."

Arthur stared at Merlin. This was unbelievable. How could this happen? Someone born with magic? Impossible! But Morgana was, wasn't she? That's what Gaius had told Arthur. What had he called her? A seer? And a high priestess? They had to be born with magic, but Merlin was neither of those things as far as Arthur knew. "Who were you sent to live with?"

Merlin hesitated. "A family member, sire."

Arthur rolled his eyes "A _name_ , _Mer_ lin."

Merlin shifted his weight between his feet "I'm sorry I cannot say, sire. Not until I know that it is safe for them and they will not be punished for consorting with a sorcerer. I need to be promised their safety."

Arthur nodded his head. "Fine, they will not be harmed or punished."

Merlin sighed, relieved "I was sent to live with my uncle, Gaius."

Arthur was shocked. He thought Gaius had just taken the boy in to be his apprentice until he got his job as Arthur's manservant. "I see." This was Arthur's only response, but that didn't worry Merlin because he knew that Arthur was an honorable man and he would keep his word that Gaius would not be punished for letting Merlin live with him, knowing that he was a sorcerer.

This information was really of no consequence to Arthur. It had nothing to do with Merlin's trial except for trust. Gaius clearly trusted Merlin; if he had any doubts about Merlin he would have voiced them to Arthur. Arthur knew Gaius his entire life. Gaius was court physician since before Arthur was born. Arthur trusted him with his life…he had to. If Gaius trusted Merlin, and Arthur trusted Gaius, then didn't that mean that Arthur should trust Merlin too?

Arthur thought about something "If you were sent here for guidance and not to kill me or my father, then what have you used your magic for?"

Merlin perked up at this question. This was one part that he had imagined in his head so many times that he was sure it would go the way he had imagined. Merlin answered honestly "For you, sire. Always and only for you." Merlin looked pained, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to. "Do you…" He looked down and paused then regained his confidence and started again. "Do you remember all those times I said I would always be there to protect you, or when I joked that you couldn't live without me?" A ghost of a smile appeared on Arthur's face and Merlin smiled sadly, remembering their friendly banter and how things could never be the same again. "I don't like to gloat or boast but Arthur I _did_ protect you time and time again. Lancelot could vouch for me if he were still here." There was a moment of silence for the fallen knight. Merlin continued before Arthur could question him further about Lancelot. "I protected you from some threats that you didn't even know existed. I was poisoned, tortured and beaten all to keep you and Camelot safe. I could show you the scars if you wanted…" Merlin's voice died down and he looked at his feet as he finished. He wasn't really. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but it wasn't all relevant right now.

Arthur sat in disbelief. These were not the confessions of a murderer or a conspirator but of a protector and a friend. A loyal servant and citizen of Camelot. One who had countless times proven that he would lay down his life for Arthur. Arthur announced "I want to see them." Merlin looked up and understood. Arthur watched as the guards helped him take off his shirt. And Gaius helped with explaining how certain scars could have only formed from certain things. Like the burn on Merlin's chest from Nimueh and the scar from the Fomorrah, and many other occasions. Arthur stared in awe at his manservant's vast collection of scars. It was amazing how much someone you thought you knew so well could hide from you. Maybe Arthur was just too blind to see that Merlin really was a good person. He had thought the worst of him, but Merlin had laid down his life many times for Arthur and had tried many more. _The dorrocha, idiot. That should be proof enough!_ Why would Merlin have knowingly put himself in a life and death situation and chosen death so that Arthur could live? He was the bravest, most selfless man that Arthur had the pleasure of knowing, and this trial just proved it.

Arthur cleared his throat again as the murmurs got louder and louder. They immediately stopped when they heard their king and Arthur nodded to them "I have made my decision, but I will continue to contemplate it and look over the facts. I will do my best as your king to judge you fairly and justly. If you have anything more to say you may speak freely now, but once you are gone from here your time to speak will be finished."

Merlin nodded his thanks to Arthur and simply stated "I trust you, Arthur, and I trust you will make whatever decision feels right for you and for the people of Camelot." Merlin hung his head once more, having said his piece, and Arthur motioned for the guards to take him back to his cell, having heard what he needed to hear.

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The next three days felt like no time at all. Merlin was calmly awaiting his final judgment and he was confident in what he had said to Arthur. He does trust him and Merlin knows that he will make the right decision for himself and his people and Merlin had to trust that. If Arthur chose to burn him, then so be it. That was his decision.

Many people had come to Merlin's cell to visit him. Gwaine especially. He was still on crutches but only for another week or so. He was happy to see that Merlin wasn't anxious, but Gwaine was. He wasn't sure that Arthur wouldn't burn Merlin. He said that he would personally introduce Arthur to his fist and maybe his sword if he laid a finger on Merlin…or a torch. Gwaine was furious that Arthur had even put him on trial, he thought he should have known that Merlin was loyal to Arthur no matter what, but Merlin knew better than to think this way. He also knew better than to stop Gwaine from saying these things. Venting to Merlin was the only thing keeping him from saying them to Arthur.

Besides Gwaine, Gwen, Leon, Gaius, Percival, and Elyan had come to visit him. They had all said that they believed that he would not be seen as guilty, but if he was they would do anything to protect him. The knights had also said that Arthur was an idiot for thinking that Merlin was anything other than loyal to him. Merlin had tried to tell them that they really shouldn't speak of the king in this way, but this only made them more upset.

Merlin was led up the familiar pathway from the cells to the throne room. Arthur was dressed as he usually was; nothing special as if this was a nuisance; it was almost as if he didn't even want to be here. He didn't want anything to do with Merlin now; he just wanted to get it over with. Arthur began again by getting everyone's attention "Merlin of Ealdor. You have been charged with the treacherous crime of sorcery. Your trial began three days past and today marks your final judgment day. If I so choose, your execution will be scheduled for three days hence and you will receive no visitors and prisoner's rations. Is this understood?"

Merlin simply nodded his head, keeping his mouth in a small line as he looked up at Arthur. He was afraid to speak, to move, to do anything for fear that he would incriminate himself. He was anxious that Arthur would only see him as a monster and that he would have him burnt. He was not afraid of death, no if anything he would get to be with Freya again and this gave him joy. No. He was afraid of how Arthur would blame himself when he realized his mistake. Merlin was afraid that Arthur would blame himself for doing what he had believed to be the right thing, and Merlin didn't want Arthur to do that. Merlin didn't want Arthur to blame himself for Merlin's mistakes.

Arthur continued. "I have made my decision. I have weighed my options carefully. I did not want to have to do this Merlin, but you gave me no choice."

Merlin was looking at his feet, unmoving, but breathing heavily in anticipation. He knew what was coming and he couldn't stop Arthur from doing it.

"I guess I'll just have to put up with you for a while longer." Arthur smiled. He knew he had made the right decision when Merlin looked up, big blue eyes and all with a single tear streaming down his face. Merlin looked so innocent and Arthur wondered how he could have ever doubted him.

Merlin waited for a second just to make sure "So I'm not to be burned?"

"No."

"You're not going to kill me?"

"No."

"You're not going to-"

Arthur had gotten up and started to walk towards Merlin "Merlin," He said softly "I know that you lied to me, and I know why. You told me many times as a prince that I would make a great king, and what kind of king would I be if I turned my back on the one person who has always been there for me? What kind of king would I be if I killed my best friend?" Arthur paused. "I think I'd be a pretty lousy one." He chuckled and so did Merlin in the midst of his sobs.

Merlin sighed, relieved and started to cry. He wasn't sure why he was, but the tears just came and they didn't stop. Arthur took another step forward and _hugged_ Merlin. Arthur had only ever hugged Merlin once before, but that was different, that time Arthur didn't know all of Merlin and this time he did. This was Arthur's way of saying that he accepted Merlin; magic and all, and that was all that Merlin needed.

 _ **A/N:**_ Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Still review please and tell me what you thought and if you think I should make a sequel. I was thinking maybe something about Merlin being Court Sorcerer and something with a neighboring kingdom. That might be a completely different fic but I might also bring in some aspects of this one into it. Still deciding but tell me what you think. Thanks again and have a blessed day!


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